4 year old cat and new anxiety

[abuckley15]

So my boyfriend and I finally decided to move in together just over a year and a half ago. He had a 19/20 year old cat at the time, who wasn't exactly kid friendly. He wouldn't attack them or anything, so long as they stayed away from him. I have two children, ages 9 and 3, who didn't exactly understand why the cat hated them. So we decided to adopt Pandora (she's going to be 5 in February) during a visit to our local Humane Society. She was excellent with the kids and very friendly. It took a bit for the older cat to get used to her, and she learned that he was too old to play like she wanted to. When we found out I was pregnant in April, we decided to move into a bigger place. About 1 1/2 months after moving, we had to make the decision to put the older cat down. Not only was his age an issue, but he suffered from hyperthyroidism as well. The last time we took him to the vet he was diagnosed with kidney and liver failure along with a few other things, the options were put him down or pay a ton of money for treatments that wouldn't work for long.

Since we had the older cat put down, Pandora has been acting unlike herself, meowing at our doors in the middle of the night (we had made the decision before we moved that the cats wouldn't be allowed in the bedrooms anymore) and extra clingy when we are home. It's been getting worse recently and she's taken to meowing and howling during the day even when we are home now. I feel that her extra anxiety is due to both factors, my pregnancy and getting further along, as well as the older cat not being here anymore.

The vet recommended two options to us:
A) Get another cat to keep her company
B) Put her on anxiety medication

Because of the baby on the way, we just aren't too keen on the idea of getting another cat, however, my boyfriend doesn't like the idea of drugging Pandora just to help her stay calm. So I am here asking what everybody elses opinions on the matter are. Has anybody had to put their cat on anxiety meds, or have one on them? If so, what are the ups and downs to doing it? And if I can talk him into another cat to keep her company while we are gone (we work in the food industry so, long hours when we are at work), what would be some recommendations when looking for one to get along with her and also not cause problems once the baby is born?

Thank You!

[Mollysmummy]

I think maybe it's a buildup of lots of things; even if the older cat couldn't play, he was still her companion and kitty friend. You've moved to a new, bigger house and she's trying to get used to that and being on her own. She's used to being in your room at night, and is probably upset that she's suddenly not allowed in there. Also with your pregnancy coming along you probably look quite different to her. Maybe it's just too much at once? I would definitely say getting another cat is better than putting Pandora on medication. I would suggest rethinking your decision to let her in your room and get another cat to keep her company. I'd say maybe a cat of a similar age to her so that they have more chance of living a similar length of time.

[abuckley15]

We did change the policy about her in the bedroom, but only the kids room. The reason we won't let her in ours is because that is where the baby will be sleeping, all her clothes, her crib, etc, are in there and we just don't want the cat hair over all of it nor do we want her climbing into the crib once the baby is here. She is a very LOVING cat and has to be all over anybody that is around if they are new. She sleeps in my daughters bed on the top bunk most nights/days when she actually sleeps, just yesterday she was asleep at the foot of my sons bottom bunk bed when we put him down for a nap. She's had access to their room since right before we put the other cat down, going on 2 months now. I would feel she would be used to the new place by now seeing as we moved here the last two weeks of May and we are now going into September and the other cat was with us until the middle of last month, which is why I sort of didn't think about the new place as being one of the components anymore.

My boyfriend and I took 3 full days off work just recently (on our last day now) to spend time at home cleaning up and paying attention to her. It seems to have helped only confirming that she is mostly lonely. I will try to talk to him again about another cat, or possibly even a cat sitter for her.

[Guinevere]

Hi and welcome,

Pandora would certainly prefer a feline cat sitter to a human cat sitter! See if you can talk your other half into adopting another cat, as mentioned above of a similar age or perhaps a little older so she can look up to him.

DO get a male cat! It seems females get along much easier with males and sometimes two females simply won't get along no matter what you try. Also since her previous companion was male, I think it will suit her better and you certainly don't want to add to your worries.

Good luck - she's gorgeous - and let us know what you decide.

[abuckley15]

He still won't budge on the new cat thing, says he really doesn't want to have to deal with her around either right now because of her acting up lately. I know he's only speaking out of frustration, she's recently taken to using our potted tree plant as her litter box (thus flinging the dirt EVERYWHERE and starting to kill it) opposed to using her own litter box. I know he loves her, and I know having her around helps him cope with the loss of his cat, but she is suffering emotionally, something he is not good at picking up on. I had been telling him for months before we finally had his cat put down that he was suffering and needed to be let go, he's never been one good at making hard choices where animals are involved. Getting another cat is a hard choice considering, but in the long run, I think it would be less problems than what we are dealing with now.

We got her because we figured another male cat wouldn't be good with his cat, so totally understand getting another male cat opposed to another female. I will keep trying though and keep everybody updated. She has gone back to her routine of meowing in the middle of the night, and like the plant as a litter box thing, starting to act up more since our vacation time is over and we've gone back to work.

[Crewella]

I agree with the advice given so far, and just wanted to make the point that two happy cats are MUCH less hassle than one unhappy one. As long as you choose and introduce the second cat carefully - a good rescue should help you to do that. Good luck.

[bobbys girl]

We got her because we figured another male cat wouldn't be good with his cat, so totally understand getting another male cat opposed to another female. I will keep trying though and keep everybody updated. She has gone back to her routine of meowing in the middle of the night, and like the plant as a litter box thing, starting to act up more since our vacation time is over and we've gone back to work.

Our two boys get on fine together. Bob is very fond of his 'uncle' Tom and Tom puts up with an awful lot of head rubs from Bob before he gently pushes him away. I wish I could say the same for the girls. Purdy and Willow (our first 2) tolerate each other and Gracie winds-up everyone!

[abuckley15]

Jack, the car we had to put down, was an only cat for 18-19 years. Because of my bf's younger brother he developed a hatred of sorts for kids in his younger age that carried into his older years. He tolerated this dog his dads gf used to bring around but mostly stayed in another room....any animal that went near him he tried to attack. I knew moving I together was going to be hard on Jack because of my two kids. He was tolerant of my youngest to an extent but would eventually hiss at him. With my daughter....I think he liked her...but he liked messing with her more so would hiss at her from time to time if she was sitting somewhere he wanted to be. Getting Pandora was a step for the kids and another big change for Jack. He hated her for the longest time. It took 6 months for them to at least sit next to each other but it wasn't easy going. We had separate litter boxes and food bowls but Jack did not want it that way. We had to keep separate food bowls due to his special thyroid diet but after a wek of her being there we were down to one litter box and water bowl. The two of them got close in his last 6 months...she was grooming him the best she could. It was sad. But we knew when we got her...female was the best option for him...having another male cat around, he may not lived those last two years I feel. Thinking about a new cat....I think she would do fine with either gender however a male would probably be better considering. Still no luck talking him into another. He is nkw talking gettingnrid lf her so we do not have to deal with the trouble and so he doesnt have to watch another beloved pet die later. He is still dealing with Jack really hard. She is not going anywhere though....so just a matter of figuring something out. The neighbor has a daughter who LOVES animals...they have a cat as well...I am considering giving the little girl a key and paying her to bring her cat over for playdates with Pandora while we are at work.

[Baggypants]

Actually I disagree that another cat will help - it might but integrating cats isn't always straight forward and it might make Pandora even more unhappy. It sounds like she's a bit stressed to me - it looks like there is some Siamese/Oriental breeding in her and they can tend to be a bit highly strung.

Perhaps you could consider trying her on zylkene to help settle her? It's a natural supplement that just very gently helps them adapt to stressful situations. It doesn't knock them out or sedate but just calms them - I used it when I had to take ours on a long car journey and I believe it really helped them deal with it.
http://www.zylkenepet.co.uk/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[abuckley15]

I agree to the stress...new baby coming and all....I was curious about natural remedies opposed to prescription for cats. My bf had recommended getting her cat nip....it always calmed Jack down, but any cat I've ever seen on catnip, might as well have been on crack, so I told him nope. I'm really not sure of her breed or anything, they just had her listed as a DSH when we adopted her, guess I could always invest in that breed test kit they have out just out of curiosity, everybody who has seen her said she has some unusual markings, so I've been a bit curious about it for awhile. I will def. check out that stuff and see if it helps.

[Baggypants]

Some people have had success with Rescue Remedy too:
http://bachflowerpets.com/rescue-remedy-pets/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Good luck! Let us know how things go.

[Beanie]

I can't really add very much to some of the good advice already given above. If you get another cat, are you prepared to work hard to integrate them because it should never be assumed that you put them together and hope for the best? There is some good experienced advice out there to help that transformation. I have heeded it and it can work, as it did in my case. The question is have you the time or can you make the time with a baby on the way? It may be wise to leave the decision
of getting another cat until after the birth.

However, when you strip what you have said down to what you have said. The vet has suggested 2 options and your boyfriend is not happy with either. What is his suggestion, as he is narrowing your choice down considerably. Does he have another agenda? Re-homing? I hope not as cats live side by side with babies/ children, etc. and above all can benefit young lives.