Adopted two cats, minor behavioral issue

[AshTheCatLady]

Hello all, I recently adopted two black cats, a male and female 2 years old, bonded pair over a month ago. My issue is that the male cat is extremely shy. The female has come out of her shell, she sleeps on the bed and likes attention from us. She even jumps on the bed every morning to get pets from us. The male cat spends a bunch of time under the bed. When he is out, he will come up and eat treats from my hand but as soon as I make a motion to pet him, he darts. I can play with him with string and a mouse toy as well. Is there anything I can do to make him more comfortable to pet him? I don't understand why there is such a huge difference in behavior. Thanks.

[Lilith]

Hi there and welcome

Congrats on the two new arrivals as well. They're all very different, as you're finding out. I'd say, don't force him till he's ready; I've had some 'challenges' in my catly past and it's SO rewarding when you get their confidence - as you'll do with your lad. It just takes time, and you may have to respect 'off-limits' with him, such as his not wanting you to stroke his face, for instance. My youngest cat is the same. If that's the case, then just don't, although naturally it's useful to be able to pick them up if a vet visit is needed, say. But time is often the remedy.

I once got involved with a feral colony in the street. I found that a great socialisation ploy with kittens was to play with them, using a bunch of feathers on a string or a clump of dried grass, letting them catch and 'kill' it but gently bringing them closer and closer to my legs as I sat on the ground, and so they ended up climbing all over me and becoming used to a human presence, voice and scent. So if your boy will play, this might get him closer to you. I didn't attempt to touch them at first but would talk to them - a good keyword was, 'it's all right' in a low voice. And lots of praise. Fifteen years on I still have one and she's a cheeky affectionate madam, timid still with strangers but she doesn't half boss me about!

There'll be other people along with more advice hopefully, but hope this helps for now - all the best and please keep updating

[Ruth B]

Congratulations on the new arrivals, and like Lilith said it is just a matter of time and all cats are different.

Your two sound very like my two youngsters, although in my case the female is the nervous one. I got them 18 months ago when they were both about 6 months old. Saturn the little lad was almost over confident, out exploring the room they were kept in and demanding knee and fuss almost straight away. Freyja the young girl found a hidey hole in the back of a cupboard and stayed there for the first couple of days, only coming out when we weren't around. As the only room we could confine them in (we have a third cat and wanted to make sure they didn't find the cat flap or get in to a confrontation too soon) is the lounge, we couldn't just leave them to it. However she soon learnt that we would just ignore her if she did come out to eat the food etc.

And while it may seem hard that is the main advise, ignore him, let him come to you when ready. If he is sat on a bed or a chair then reach out a hand, let him sniff it and if he pulls back let him be, if he seems relaxed then a gentle stroke behind the ear might be possible. I had had Freyja months when we finally got to this stage so it can take time. Play with him, sit in the same room with him, I spent hours sat in the lounge just reading so Freyja could get use to my presence and not feel it to be a threat, talk to him, I have heard someone say that they used to read the books to their nervous cat which is a good idea, as your attention is on the book and for most people reading is relaxing which he will pick up on.

Eighteen months on and I still can't pick Freyja up to cuddle her, but she does enjoy a stroke while on the bed with me and sometimes while I'm sat on the computer she will come in the room, meow to let me know she wants some attention and if i ignore her there will be paws on my leg demanding the attention. She has never jumped on my knee, but I keep hoping that one day she will. The main thing for me is she is happy with her life, whether she will ever be a cuddle cat remains to be seen, but the decision will be hers.

Take it slow and he will come round, just be prepared it might take months or years not weeks or days. It is one of the things with getting adult cats, you can never be sure just what they have been through before, there may no reason for his nervousness, but there is always the possibility that something happened that has made him mistrust humans and therefore nervous around them.

[AshTheCatLady]

Just an update - the male cat has finally seemed to break out of his shell and now is starting to meow and purr. It took quite a while, he just started about 3 months ago jumping on the couch with us and just laying around closer to us which is good.

[Lilith]

Hey good to hear from you and thanks for the update - that's great that he's becoming more outgoing; congrats!

They're all different and they all take their own sweet time, bless them. Please give him and his friend a big fuss from me