Heartbroken by cat behaviour

[ChandlerC]

Hi All,

I hope someone can help me. I'll try and keep it short. I have three cats, all from the same rescue centre, all the same age and everything was fine. Dexter is the more outgoing one and loves being outdoors but otherwise the three of them got on great.

My Nan passed away two years ago and we took on her elderly cat who is 17. And that's when things went wrong. All four cats tolerate each other...there's no fights etc, but Dexter this last month just won't settle indoors anymore. If he comes in at night he paces back and forward from window to window and hisses if you try to go near him! He's just so hell bent on being outside! We've tried playing with him to get him to interact with us again but he's just not interested! I'm absolutely heartbroken that he seems so unhappy and all we want to do is give him affection! And yet with our neighbours he sits on their knee and can spend the whole day in their garden with them (they've never fed him or let him indoors just in case he never leaves).
The whole thing is just heartbreaking and is causing a bit of friction between me and my husband because he's all for letting Dexter do as he wishes and live outside. But I want my old cat back who would come home to sleep on the bed etc.
Can anyone shed any light please? I'm at my wits end!!

Many thanks.

[Ruth B]

You don't mention how old Dexter is, it could just be he is a young lad who likes to be out and about. I have three cats, my grumpy granny cat Tiggy, who is about 15, and then the two juniors both just under 3 years old, the male of the two is like having a teenager about the house, he turns up at meal times, sleeps like he is dead to the world for a few hours, uses the litter tray and then is off out again for hours on end. It is just his age, and it could be that yours is just going through a similar stage and will settle as he gets older. In which case letting him come and go as he wants is probably the best option. Once he know he can do as he wants he might settle and be more affectionate again, he might also change as the weather gets wetter and colder again especially if your neighbours aren't sitting outside as much.

If he likes being outside with your neighbours have you tried spending some time outside with him, see if he would be happy to sit on your knee outside rather than inside. maybe have a few treats on hand to bribe him with.

Unfortunately some cats are just like that, they use you for bed and board and then spend all day doing their own thing.

[Kay]

I wouldn't have thought, after 2 years, he would suddenly so resent your Nan's old girl that he has taken himself off - more likely I would think that there is something outside that is particularly attractive to him

are you out all day? is he just wanting human company? he wouldn't understand that if he was outside at night he wouldn't find anyone to make a fuss of him

or is there a new cat on the block who he is wanting to keep an eye on? a new enemy can be a source of excitement to an outgoing boy

this may well be a temporary problem and I would give it a couple more months to see what happens - as Ruth says he might be less keen on the great outdoors when summer is over

[ChandlerC]

Hi all and thanks for the suggestions.

I had a chat with my husband today as well as our neighbour. When we do a head count we have four cats ourself (including Dexter) but then there must be at a least another four neighbourhood cats who come into our garden too and all stand on the little step at the patio doors. Massive cat area! However, our neighbour Louise has an enclosed garden and has very very few cats come by her garden.

We are now wondering if it's a territory thing and Dexter, disliking the number of cats who pass by our garden, has claimed Louise's for himself and that's why he won't come home. To me it's a plausible explanation but our big problem now is how to solve it because we can't easily select which cats can and can't come by?

Just gets even more complicated! I'm even wondering if spraying Feliway spray on the doorstep would help Dexter or encourage cats even MORE?!