Helping an anxious new cat

[claire2205]

I adopted a 4.5 year old male cat on Saturday. Whilst he was in the RSPCA centre with another cat, she was already reserved by someone else as they were happy for them to be rehoused separately. He had come from a case where 12 cats were living in 1 flat and does not in general get on with other cats at all (probably not surprisingly!) so isn’t considered suitable for pairing with another. He was in the rescue for 5 months.

So far he’s settling in well enough in that he’s explored his room, eaten, drank and used the litter tray from the start. He’s been sitting consistently in his cat carrier (which has a blanket in from the rescue) but as of this morning has taken to sitting on top of the wardrobe. He started showing some interest in exploring upstairs so i’ve left the spare room door open a crack if he wants to have a look round.

He’s very friendly, constantly looking to get in your face BUT he’s starting to get quite vocal when you leave him. It doesn’t last too long, maybe 5-10 minutes but as soon as he hears you moving around he starts again with a plaintive little cry seemed designed to break your heart!

I recognised the fact that he’s probably stressed and anxious and not used to being alone even if other cats weren’t exactly his best friend. I am willing to wait him out until he’s settled (even if he can make it hard for me to fall asleep) but i’m more concerned i’m not doing the right things for him.

He has absolutely every kitty comfort he could want and is eating etc fine so I’m not worried about his health but even so no one likes to hear an animal upset if they can do more for them!

I don’t respond to his little meows by going into his room and when I am in there I wait until he’s quiet before interacting with him. He definitely seems more confident and more inquisitive when i’m there. I have to go to work at the moment as I teach although I have holidays coming up in a week and a half and I come home early as I can in the afternoon. He has a feliway plug in and I leave the radio on quietly.

When I am home how should I behave around him to help him? I don’t think I should be in there all the time as this would surely make it even worse for him when i’m not there. I could leave my bedroom door open at night so he could come in but I don’t think this will stop him crying as he won’t leave his room on his own anyway.

I would be really grateful for any tips or reassurances that can help me to help him. I can suffer from anxiety myself so I feel for the guy but if it’s just a matter of wait him out and carry out as I am, that’s what I’ll do.

Thanks so much!

[Ruth B]

It sounds like he is doing fine and it is still early days, I've had cats that have hidden away for days, or even weeks on one occasion, before being brave enough to explore just one room let alone the rest of the house, let him take things at his own pace.

Try and keep things as much as possible to a routine with set times for things, when it is time to go in and see him then talk to him and respond if he is calling, but at other times you are best to ignore him.

When you are at home in the holidays behave as normally as possible, don't spend all your time with him, or when you think he is ready leaving the door to his room open so he can come and find you is fine.

At the moment the lines are still being drawn, he is working out how much he can control what happens around the place and how much he can demand your attention, you need to set the rules down quickly, most cats will try it on but they will also adapt to what regulations are set, although most do see just how far they can bend those rules.

As for opening the bedroom door, that is very much a door that once opened is very hard to shut. I decided when i first had cats of my own that while they were they were allowed in the bedroom during the day, they weren't allowed in at night, and i have managed to keep to that rule, even though it has been hard going at times. However as you will see if you check previous threads, how to stop them keeping you awake or trying to dig their way in is a common problem with no easy answer. Now is the time to make the decision, if you don't mind him sleeping with you permanently then let him in, if you want to be able to keep him out while you sleep then you need to start that now, he won't take any harm from not being with you at night.

Good luck to both you and him and keep us updated on how things go, I'm sure you will both be fine.

[claire2205]

Thank you ever so much for your reply. It’s very reassuring and really helpful.

I’m getting into the swing of a routine now I’ve figured out what works best for me and him. He gets fed when I get up at 7am, again at 5pm and then 11pm, right before I go to bed. I’ve done these times because I can stick to them during holidays too. I also play with him around these times - he adores a cat nip mouse and is enjoying interactive play.

Glad to hear that ignoring his cries when I walk away seems to be the right thing to do. My gut feeling said to do so but I hoped I wasn’t making him worse and he would just settle down in his own time. I’ve left his room door open so he can explore if he wishes since he will follow me outbut not far. He only seems confident exploring if i’m up there. My concern is he becomes too reliant on me which I don’t want because I can’t be there all the time.

My plan was to stick to things as normal as possible during the holidays and let him come out and find me.

I would prefer to keep the bedroom door shut at night as I find it hard to sleep with the door open so i’ll continue to shut him out. I can ignore his cries - he does stop after a short while and he’s not too loud. Is the general idea he is a bit upset but it won’t do him any harm in the long run? If so I’ll stick a fan and an audiobook on so I can’t hear him and just wait him out.

Is it better for him if I shut his door at night since he doesn’t seem to yet explore alone anyway? Will this help him feel a bit more secure? What about leaving the light on?

Thank you again. Just trying to make the process as easy for him as possible to set him up to be happy in the long run.

[AndyMac]

Hi Claire - I adopted a 2yo cat last Thursday. I had a cat for 14 years but lost her to cancer. It was daunting bringing home a new cat and had doubts if I had done the right thing. I got all new stuff for the new girl - litter trays, scratching post, bed, toys etc.... and meant just to give her access to the dining room and kitchen but accidently left the kitchen door open so she had the whole house to explore on her first day home.

Like you I was anxious that she would settle in. She was very nervous and jumpy at every sound. She had a good look around the house but was very cautious as she explored. I sat on the floor beside her to reassure her and held out my hand in a closed fist action so she could give head bumps and would run my fingers/hand along her back and tail when she walked past so hopefully reassuring her that she was OK.

Five days on and she has settled in great - she sleeps on the bed which I dont mind as my previous cat did the same but some nights she will retreat to the wardrobe and sleep on my towels. I give her space and keep to my daily routine and let her come to me if she is looking attention. I have been interacting with her playing with her and the toys and she will have her mad 30 mins of running around the house and I leave her to it - sometimes I will chase her around the sofa and in and out of rooms but that is just me !! The past few days I have noticed that when going to work I put my rucksack at the front door and she seems to know that I am leaving and she starts crying and looking attention in that she will follow me from one room to the next so I have to give her lots of ear rubs etc... but have to finally say to her that I am off to work and will see her later. It will just take time for her to adjust to you and your routine after being in the shelter for 5 months.

[claire2205]

Thanks.

Sully has settled in well except the crying. He’s confident if someone is there but not if he’s alone. I’m hoping as he gets used to the fact I will be coming back at regular times the crying will cease in a couple of weeks. It’s not terrible at all (touch wood!) but it’s distressing for me to hear him calling. I keep trying to remind myself that in reality he’s doing fine, if he wasn’t then he wouldn’t be eating, drinking and using the litter tray so well and he will get over it.

[claire2205]

A little update.

Yesterday Sully braved coming downstairs on his own to see me as I was sitting in the living room. He had a good explore but unsurprisingly kept looking for me to see if I was there still - likely security thing for him.

When I went to bed last night there were a few meows and I could hear him moving around the house a bit but otherwise quiet.

This morning when I went in his room there was some loose poop on the mat just outside his litter tray. The rest was in his tray. I don’t know if something scared him (I think I heard him bolting past my room when I was half asleep) or the bit of new food he’s had as upset his tummy but I cleaned it up as well as I could and made sure he only had the food he’s used to this morning.

Interestingly for the first time he came to have his food (which he ate most of), drank some water and had a bit of attention before he chose to jump on top of the wardrobe - his favourite spot - and settle down. He didn’t meow when I left or when I was walking around getting ready for work. I’m hoping this means he’s feeling a bit more settled and in a routine not just that his tummy hurts and he couldn’t be arsed!

[Monii]

Some cats really have separation issues..

Here are some things that you may do which could help your kitty.

When you are with your cat make sure you spend some time together, petting until she says its enough and also spend a nice time being around her so that her social needs are met.

But when it comes to you leaving her you could help her out by giving her some piece of your clothing which you often wear and that way she will be able to smell your presence and reduce her anxiety..

[Kay]

when I worked I always found my cats welcomed me when I got home, but when I retired I soon found that even when I was around during the day they still slept through most of it, and stirred only in the evening - if I go out and come home before 5pm they don't even lift their heads to see if it's me, let alone greeting me

your boy will soon settle into your routine, once he realises this is his new routine too - same goes probably for his tum, as not only has he had different food, but probably at different times