Tracing rehomed cat from years ago

[Liz1917]

Hi all
A very long shot I know but here goes. 10 years ago I was in an abusive relationship which led to me losing my home and I became very ill. An acquaintance at the time who volunteered at a cat rescue offered to take my beloved cat in temporarily while I found a new place to live and got well. After a few weeks when I had found somewhere to live and was well enough, I asked for my cat to be returned only for her to tell me she had passed my cat onto the rescue and she had been rehomed to a family with 2 kids and a garden. I didn't have a garden at the time and she convinced me it was 'for the best'. I was dreadfully upset about it all but I believed it probably was for the best. I never forgot about my cat who I had since she was a kitten, and all these years later I still think about her. I fell out with the friend once it has properly sunk in what had happened, and i lost all contact with her. I know who the rescue was, but they said they couldn't help. All I want to know is that my cat has had a good life, she might not even be alive now (she was 5 when she left), I just can't stop thinking about her, I loved her and she loved me so much I took her everywhere with me and she was never out of my sight until this point. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Is there anything I can do to find out about her welfare? I keep blaming myself, but I know that for that short period I was simply too ill to care for her (and of course I didn't have anywhere to live). I was convinced and I believe manipulated by this friend to part with my cat. I just can't stop thinking about her. Apologies for the long and angsty post, but I want to share with people who will understand and who could possibly give me some guidance. Thanks in advance

[Ruth B]

I can't offer any advise on tracing her, but I wanted to say that in my opinion you did the right thing in looking for someone to foster her when you weren't able to look after her. Your 'friend' shouldn't have handed her over to the charity for rehoming unless you had told her to.

All the charities I have dealt with are very careful to do home checks and make sure that the new home was the right one any cat, so I would think she would have ended up well looked after and happy in a new home even if you weren't there for her.

I don't know if you have had another cat since then, but it might be worth considering, you can never replace her, but it might help provide new memories which would eventually overshadow the old ones of her. All the cats I have had have come through charities and one was a direct homing so I actually met the previous owner and could convince her myself that her cat was going to the best home possible (at least that is my opinion and Tiggy doesn't seem too inclined to contradict it)

[Judy Barnett]

We acquired our old fellow Yowlee as a stray. After many months of gaining his trust we managed to get hold of him and take him to the vet's to see if he was micro chipped which he was. We contacted the owners who had moved house about a year before. He must have wandered away from the new house and got lost. They thought he was long gone by the time we called. They were both nurses who had another cat and also a new baby. They had named him Elvis! After everything that had happened over the last year and me telling them how much I had fallen in love with him, they told me I could keep him much to my joy. However I still send a Christmas card from Yowlee/Elvis every year to them just to let them know how he's been, although its 8 years ago now. It was very wrong of your friend to give your cat away like that. I know cats don't like to think of themselves as owned but that in essence is what they are. Your cat is your property and she should have informed you. I hope your life is happier and more settled. Maybe fate will send you another four footed blessing soon. All the best x

[Kay]

this is very sad for you, but there are hundreds of cats without loving homes sitting in rescues waiting for a new loving owner to take them home

your girl found one, even though that wasn't what you wanted, so in memory of her why not find a needy soul to take home with you

[Liz1917]

Thank you everyone for your kind words they mean a lot. The situation was completely out of my control yet for years I have been blaming myself. She was a unique little cat. For example, I went to stay with family overnight once and my friend who was cat sitting said she played some music I was singing on and my cat immediately started running around and jumping up and down, as though she recognised my voice. This is the level of the bond that we had. I have never met a cat like her before or since, it is difficult to explain to people who aren't 'cat people'. I rescued 2 wonderful, beautiful cats since who are my best friends and so lovely, but I still can't stop thinking about her, every time I treat them to some nice new cat treat or toy, I wonder how she would have liked it. I don't have any underlying depression or anything so it isn't like I am feeling this way due to general sadness. I just want to know she is happy and I think the reason I am thinking about her more now is because I realise she will be an old lady now, if she is still alive, and I desperately want to be there for her even though I know this isn't possible. Thanks for your words and time, God bless xx

[Janey]

Aww I really do feel for you. I fostered for a while and I still think about all of the cats, and worry they are ok, made worse as most were cruelty cases and I formed a deep bond in a a very short time. And as I didn’t have much say in the rehoming it wasn’t for me. So I can totally understand how you must feel, even now. A few things which may help though, is as someone else said, is the majority of rescues have their best interests at heart and I bet your cat got a lovely home and would be fine. Give your two cats a big cuddle, and try and remember that you really did what you had to do and that was best for her and not your fault ((hugs)).

[catslave16]

Liz1917, I had a similar experience many years ago. I was living in a flat with my 3-year old black cat Charlie when I met a new boyfriend. We went to London for a weekend and when we got back my abusive and exploitative landlord had changed the locks on my flat, locking in all my belongings. Charlie was outside - there was a cat flap - so we took him to a cattery until the situation would be resolved, which I thought would only take a couple of weeks. It took seven months. As we had nowhere to live we both lost our jobs, so we went back to London to work for an agency. My boyfriend got his friend to collect Charlie from the cattery; every time he spoke to his friend on the phone I asked how Charlie was doing, and was told he'd settled in fine. But the boyfriend turned out to be a fantasist and a pathological liar, and when I eventually got my belongings back I bumped into the cattery owner, who said to me 'Well, you are a one, just abandoning your cat with us.' Charlie had never been collected by a friend. In fact I'm not sure the friend even existed. Maybe the 'boyfriend' had been talking into a dead phone, pretending it was his friend. I wasn't sure of anything any more - I'd been lied to about EVERYTHING by him, even about his name and actual age, and I felt I was falling and falling with nothing to hold on to. By then he'd done a moonlight flit, but I'd been so traumatised by everything that had happened (and this is not the place to relate any of that) that I couldn't even ask the cattery owner what had happened to Charlie - had he been re-homed? Had he been - god forbid - put to sleep? I never did find out. I still think about Charlie a LOT. I've only been able to tell this story here as only one of you knows my real name. And this happened in 1980... So Liz1917, I really feel with you.