TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART...

For all your feline miscellany - any interesting stories, news or subjects that do not fit in the other sections.
Post Reply
Daves mum
New Cat Chatter
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:40 am

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART...

Post by Daves mum »

Solar TOTAL ECLIPSE 19.45 Uk time is when I buried my Dave and it was nothing short of a total eclipse OF the HEART....

hello I'm Lorraine, I was Dave's mum. Dave is for KING DAVID, he was my only companion, and his precious life ended on the vets consultation table on Friday 19th August at 11.40 am.

I'm writing this not merely for bereavement post but to share my experience and offer advise to other cat lovers about not being bullied by vets.

Also to share how my own stupid actions contributed to my cats death.../ Because, #1. Im a bad mum; for some unknown reason I'd not fully understood the massive importance of all his medication, and I therefore was NOT regularly giving Dave his diuretic, fuerosomide along with his daily Ace Inhibitor Benefortin.

#2nd reason Dave is DEAD , if I'm brutally honest- I feel and know in my heart I've also let Dave die at the hands of ( in this case, and I can only speak for this case and not all Of her cases) a pro Euthanasia vet, rather than using a vet more suited to Daves NEEDS (IMO).


This is a long story, could take a while to share. Dave was a handsome Ginger American short hair, born 12.9.13. ( pls See pics) He'd be 4 years old next month, instead his beautiful body is laying buried under the ground in my back garden. ( sighs)
if only I'd been a better mum whereby I had MET and UNDERSTOOD all his needs, he'd be happily alive with me in the garden today.

I am beside myself with guilt, regret which is causing inscrutable pain. the effect this realisation is having on me are intense waves of gut wrenching deep seated grief in behind my rib cage.
It's ok as I certainly deserve the pain, because I am the reason my beloved faithful loyal wonderfully trusting awesome gentle boy is DEAD now.

I don't know how I can ever recover- I don't know if I can or want to..? All I know is I did the wrong things.... For many varied reasons not least of which is my life's being torn into too many directions past two years with my 78 year old mothers inoperable brain tumour illness, and my best friend accident, that's left him quadriplegic, and me his POA (power of attorney) to adapt his home for full time wheelchair living. - which due to hoards of cowboy builders has taken well over a year to do what's been essentially few months work :) - but mainly, I just didn't fully comprehend the importance the diuretic would play in his life if he were to stay a happy healthy.

Dave and I moved out of our rented home of 3 years, into my best friends home to begin adapting it last May (2016). Almost immediately my gentle non aggressive towards his peers boy, was being habitually attacked by one particular neighbourhood cat, even when Dave was sitting on his own front doorstep. And, even if I was within eyesight of this massive ginger cat which a couple neighbours informed me was a 'devil cat'. It would would viciously lash out at Dave right in my presence. And Sometimes even chase Dave back upstairs inside the house.
After a while, these vicious attacks by other cat/cats turned my once happy go lucky,laid back, outdoor loving gentle but bravely inquisitive boy that's liked to watch the world go by, into a nervous wreck.

It was so sad to see him being attacked, while not being able to stop other cat from coming into our property and bullying him. -We lived upstairs in two bedrooms while the downstairs became a building site... Dave would constantly be looking behind him, or towards the bedroom doors, on guard / alert incase of another sudden attack - after many visits to the vet, with sprains and limps, cuts and puncture wounds, one August day 2016 (I heard that cries and screams)...Dave came running Upstairs, collapsed/keeled over on his side and was breathing very rapidly- His whole body was heaving up n down. I grabbed my phone and videoed this alarming situation to show his vet.
Then we went to the vet and although I showed her the video, Dave had by then recovered, and the vet didn't make much of it.

all injuries were covered by the comprehensive insurance policy I've had for Dave since he was a kitten, (minus the excess to pay on each Injury so Cost was not an issue. ) ...

In the weeks following this attack Dave begun 'throwing up' several times daily following meals. He'd eat and vomit. It was becoming increasingly really difficult to cope with removing the vomit from the carpeted landing, and bedrooms, especially under the massive bed where more often than not Dave would run to throw up away at the back where I couldn't reach. The new carpets just laid a few months earlier became covered in stains. (Not that this was an issue... but I wasn't well in myself I was depressed ) and wasn't coping well with the strain of these massive commitments dealing with my friend in the wrong hospital -( he should've been getting rehabilitation instead was kept in an elderly dementia Ward for more how a year) and all of his life; bills, Doctors, nurses, social workers, boxes of my own bills /paperwork mixed in with his paperwork began mounting up.
....- and 'mostly u godly loud abrupt tradesmen came and went whenever it suited them, were also causing Dave additional anxiety, because he wasn't used to male voices and power tools! He became a shadow of his former gloriously muscly self... Spending most days on the window sill -bought him a window shelf to give him a better view but he was a big cat, *not a fat cat, he had no fat on him*, and it broke one day) looking outside to the world he once loved, and had once felt safe to enjoy being in...

I began to drink more than a glass of wine in the evening to TRY block out stress. But of course alcohol isn't the answer. And didn't help Dave feel
Safer if I was masking my feelings of not being able to cope with the situation by drinking in excess...

The vomiting continued and I kept on asking the vet about it and she wasn't really able to help. I just knew something wasn't right with Dave and I couldn't cope with his vomiting. So I begged the vet to X-ray him, because I knew since the last vicious cat attack SOMETHING WASNT RIGHT'' - yet She said insisted X-rays wouldn't show much because 'they only show bones'. She seemed to think I was just not wanting to care for a cat that was throwing up daily and she offered no help.

In hindsight I am unbearably Sorry I didn't leave her surgery and go to another vet at that point. - Long story short....after several weeks, I couldn't cope anymore with Dave throwing up, and I asked her what I could do about it - I even got to the point I felt I couldn't keep him anymore because i couldn't cope with the huge pressures going on around us all at once. He was unhappy and. So was I. Life was just being cruel as can be to the little fella and his mum was not able to fix it.

After calling vet many times over - Eventually vet says one Saturday morning, "ok bring him, I'll do full X-rays and blood tests, we will see from those what, of anything is going on"....

⁃ leaving Dave at the surgery, vet says she'll call me later. I go straight from vets to Hospital to visit my friend in wheelchair, and I tell him where Dave is. My friend was lacking any empathy or an understanding of how tightly wound up the whole situation
⁃ Was effecting me AND DAVE.

⁃ I spend a while with my friend,then I go to Asda, I'm in the car park at Asda when the vet calls me- she says are you sitting down to talk. "Yes I say".
⁃ She says "X-rays show King David is not a well cat ....can you come in immediately."
⁃ I drive straight back vet. He has a very enlarged heart and had turned blue, wasn't waking from under anaesthetic; had to be given oxygen for 40 minutes to bring him round.
⁃ He was very groggy when I got there but he knew me. She recommended euthanisia as he was so sick, but I said I want to take him home - so After a little while down on tummy on the floor talking to be at eye level with his cage I took him home.

⁃ I was sooo glad to be back home with him. He seemed to pick up a little in the afternoon and evening but by the next day, (Sunday), was not doing well. I called vet, and so happened she was on call that Sunday) I told her he was lethargic and not eating, she said, " bring him in, and have him put to sleep .... it would be peaceful and quite and You could stay with him as long as You wanted".

But I couldn't face driving Dave back there alone just to kill him and knowing I'd be driving back with his dead body. I felt he needed to know he was super loved and super wanted by me. And anyway He was more comfortable at home, laying on mummies big chair, all curled up..,
so I stayed by his side, loving on him all day... videoing him and crying my heart out... thinking this was the end.

I telephone called my friend, Alan, to see if he'd accompany me to vets with Dave... - Alan said he would, but he was also on call that weekend (he's a cat loving council electrician) and would come as soon as he was free.

But it was many hours by this time and Alan still had many call out. -so Dave got up and ate some fish in the afternoon and drinks some water and goes back to sleep - By time Alan arrives about 8pm Dave's beginning to stir again and revive.
So Alan and 8 sat by Dave gently conversing- And by time Alan left Dave followed us downstairs to go out for toilet. Dave had dodged a bullet.

It seems He had been very much suffering still from affects of previous days, anaesthetic administered by vet...But now a full 36 hours later he was feeling a lot better.

The vet prescribed diuretics which I gave to Dave, and she sent his blood tests away for A 'PRO BNP' test which came back with a reading 'off the scale' which is any number higher than 1500.
Vet suggested a cardiologist look at X-rays and review Blood test results... and said this cardiologist may even be able to help Dave and that he could come to her veterany practice as he travelled the country.

So this specialist reviewed the X-rays etc and recommended several options of 3 heart medications, beta blockers, ace inhibitors and the diuretics which I also thought were for the heart, I only went by what she (Daves vet told me And I was not really 'taking in' the info all that well.

Also turned out the cardiologist had ceased from travelling out to other practises, and so she suggested I take Dave to see the cardiologist, 'Craig Devine' of Stirlingshire, BUT and it's a big but, she also said Dave would NOT tolerate another anaesthetic, and that the cardiologist would most Definately NEED to use anesthetic in order to do further explorations on Dave..., therefore believing her at her word, I didn't quite see the point. Coupled with everything else going on in my life, I didn't go To Stirling. - this was all Last August /September 2016.

Dave lived pretty well until last Saturday. He daily had been taking Benefortin' faithfully, but I wasn't given him the feurosomid daily, I'm ashamed to say, not even weekly.

⁃ for some unknown reason I hadn't understood the IMPORTANCE and the link of the diuretic drug to keeping Dave alive and well for years to come. I just gave him it 'now and then', because it made him so thirsty and 'wee' So mucho -
I thought it was putting pressure on his kidneys.
Plus the tablets were too hard to break in two-: dosage wasn't right at a full tablet for a cat... and I HONESTLY, STUPIDLY didn't understand that he actually, REALLY REALLY REALLY NEEDED them to be healthy, thrive and STAY ALIVE.

I called his vet at 10pm Friday because when workman left around 8pm I carried in finishing painting. I called to Dave but he didn't come to find me As he Usually did, therefore I didnt notice his breathing until late Friday night -he had began to labour in his breathing. due to my working till after 9pm rushing full Steam ahead exhausting myself to get my friends house ready to come home as he's now in an care-home, waiting on me to finish.
The adaptations are almost finished for his wheelchair, but it has devastatingly meant I wasn't with Dave all that much in the way of quality time in the last few weeks....


He was with me In the mornings, we'd go outside to the garden before the workman arrived. Dave loved being outside and I'd had the whole back garden recently fenced +cat proofed to allow Dave to be safe in his own garden. But due to massive outside pressures on me re other ppls lives. My sweet darling 'babbie' was alone mostly all day;- as he avoided workmen and all the noise they made - and then I was often visiting mum or Ian in the evening or shopping for food etc... meaning Dave was not getting much 'fussing and loving times' with me his mummy.
I did make time to brush him daily. He loved being brushed by me. I loved brushing him too but I was always rushing + recently not feeling well myself.
In morning first thing he would come Lay in my chest, with his nose almost touching mine, each morning all 6 kilo, until I could barely breath.

I want to share more with you lovely ppl reading this, more all about the good times we had. But main reason in writing this is because I am beside myself with regret and guilt and can't bear the pain each day from realising I did not do the right thing for him.

I want to share/warn other cat lovers with My advice:/ to anyone that has to give your cats their medications- Please don't do as I did.
Please Really Educate yourself.
Please Find out what each med is for
And make sure you understand it.
Please Get a 2nd opinion about What the condition is if at all Possible. Do NOT simply take one bets Word for it.
PLEASE TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If it feels wrong or a bad match at your vet - it probably is..!
So try to find alternative vet practice.


To cont...
so I called the vet Friday night and she knew I was not keen to end his life and I knee she thought I was prolonging him suffering.
But she said see if he rallies and if not call me. After a sleepless night on Friday, I called the vet and said how he was still struggling. she thought I should call the other vets that did house calls.... Because she knew i was not able to drive Dave to the vets with the knowledge I was going to end his life, and she didn't do house calls.

I asked if she'd call the other vets for me and explain because I was so upset. But she said I had to do it.

And then I said it's not all bad-: Daves enjoying being Brushed this morning. He is rubbing his chin into the brush therefore hes still getting pleasure. She said, "well why don't you bring him here for general check up".
Which I did. - but Dave did NOT make
It back out alive.

When got there I could see by her face she was not keen to do Anything other than convince me to end his suffering... i.e. Lethal injection!

She did what she always does, waste time (IMO) weighing his box, first with and then without him, instead of HELPING Him BREATHE!!!
Secondly she looked at his ears as if they would HELP HIS BREATHING!!
His ears didn't need oxygen. I felt he needed fluid off his lungs to help him breathe. But I'm not a vet. And she didn't like me saying what she should do.

She listened to his heart and she said "hearts fine but his lungs sound full Of fluid." I said, please can you just give him a shot of diuretic but she refused, saying it would shock him or something along those lines.
She also said she could drain his chest, but it was futile prolonging his pain....'
so I being perplexed, this wasn't what I went there for! So I said "you're a vet, help his pain pls can you please give him a pain killer? - and she said 'it was only prolonging his life and thereby his suffering'.

The ONLY thing she wanted to do was to shave his leg and insert needle then plunge syringe in killing him asap with lethal dose of anaesthetic.

I wouldn't sign The form. She was getting ticked off at my reluctance. She said, HE's DYING'!
I said, "I cannot let him die, I know he wants to get well. He doesn't want this. Pls help him, he wants to live. He was enjoying my brushing him this morning".
⁃ Also He was outside yesterday and jumping up in kitchen worktop and using the log store outside to get back in kitchen window which was all especially made for Daves own 'cat flap' access. (Dave didn't take to conventional cat flaps, because he didn't see one until he was two and a half year old- attempting to step his leg through it first rather than head first ... which obviously wasn't gonna work... i installed a whole new kitchen window at my friends house just for Dave )

She said, "if I do X-ray of his lungs will that help you make your decision"

. I said ok... TBH, I just let her do what she wanted to do and when REGRET it so badly. I mean what i would have much preferred, she did was spend her time helping him breathe easier; by draining his lungs or giving him a diuretic, RATHER THAN doing this that were causing his distress and pain when she held him for X-rays, all
Merely to CONVINCE ME TO SIGN the CONSENT FORM to end his life.

(Dave had been sore under his belly for a year to touch and she had done not one dam thing about it.)

I'd called Her a couple Weeks ago again asking her if there was something else we might do for Dave, because I felt there was something we could do to help him NOT be so tender and sore to touch under his body way down near the hind legs way back below his rib cage. - She suggested I buy treatment for 'ear mites'..!


She had brought the consent form with her and had it on the table when she brought him back and we waited on the X-rays - she had told nurse brought the oxygen machine through. It was on rollers, and she instructed it blow air on his face, not actually using the oxygen mask therefore I'm doubtful it he was getting much help to Dave. - I feel it was all staging to force me to end his life.

There's a fluorescent strip that coldly and harshly lit the room with windows closed and locked tight shut. I had s thumping headache from the light as I'm light sensitive and so was Dave. This is not where I wanted Dave to be.
⁃ I asked if she'd put it off please - and she refused. She said she had to see!!
⁃ There was a huge window allowing daylight in the room, so she how could she not see without the strip light.

I said I'm leaving, I'm taking him home and getting 'county vets' come and see him in his own home. She said it's up to you, but she was noticeably ticked off at me, as she clearly thought i was causing him to suffer and I was being selfish... so I was under duress going to sign consent form, but then at last second,
I said " I can't do this, I'm sorry I can't do this..."

It was chaotic. I couldn't think clearly. My head was pounding, and the only thing she was willing to do to make my beautiful 3 year and 11 month old 'Babbie' feel any better, was to kill him quickly as possible.

I was backed into a corner... trying to get out Thinking of getting ready to zip up the carrier, pick up the handles and head for the car... - Dave sitting like a good boy on the spot in the middle of all the chaos in the room;) - - I myself facing dave and the oxygen machine blocking me
To get round to him, the nurse at other side table where I should be .
the vet had her back turned looking for the end of life drugs needle etc saying to me, "his lungs are full of fluid"..!
and nobody helping clear his lungs... Dave raised his back paws up and gave a wee wobbly stretch.
He has not stretched much at all that morning and he was just stretching...- But I was in such a panic... mainly due to everything going on, had a migraine by this point, plus having been repeatedly told since August last year (2016) "he could have an embolism Any moment..!" It too was at the front of my mind When I saw him raise his back legs and stretch, I mistook it for him having an embolism.
So exhausted and backed into a corner and the consent form under my nose on table, I said "ok then".

through tears of pain and feeling bullied, I somehow poised myself to signed and date it- but it was as if I wasn't there... or it was some hellish nightmare.
It was horrible.

Once signed -It happened sooo fast- she had his leg shaved ( I wasn't happy about THAT but I just couldn't fight her anymore). I asked again if she'd put out the horrid harsh light. - thinking now she's for her own way she may relent and mange to insert needle by daylight. She said "NO".

I felt Like saying you're not doing it if u you don't turn off the light. I felt like ripping the paper up I'd signed and taking Dave out of there as fast as Possible. But I was out numbered and tired fighting.
She told me to Move round the other side. And the nurse to remove the oxygen machine. I wanted to be
By his face as close as possible:- Therefore kneeling on a bit of metal u see the table, I could barely support my own legs... - It was horrible! -

We were ONLY meant to be coming here for a 'general appointment' she had said...! -now Dave and I were in a first class nightmare. within seconds I knew he was going to be gone... and I didn't j ow how to stop the chain of events without seeming to b a 'nut-job' to the vet and the girl nurse in the room... - although I should have done what was right for DAVE and me, not them.

I begged her to sedate him first, to allow time to be with him while he was sleeping. But she said he couldn't tolerate sedation, as his lungs were full of fluids. Seriously, I'm not being difficult - when I ask, what difference would it have made if he was going to be dead in 10 Seconds doing it her way?! - Would Dave be happier ? I know whom better then anyone! I know he would have liked to LIVE!!!!
And Would I be able to live with it all for the rest of my conscious life better, had the process been handled a bit more delicately..?

She just didn't want to do anything I asked of her; It was her way or no way. I regret it terribly now. I feel I should have left the room with my babbie and ran for the county vets.
Even though maybe ppl Reading this quite possible feel I was wrong and she was right. - end of day It's my life and Dave life was in MY HANDS.
And IMO i I should NEVER have handed his life to her to sniff out.

Dave and I know each other better than she did. She didn't know or appreciate him at all..!

I tried to get my face as close to his as possible. To comfort him but I couldn't get in. She had his disgust keg shaved and was Inserting a needle while I was hysterical is all I recall. He was still Inside his carrier which only u zipped over the top and down one front end side.

Within seconds the nurse had left the room with the oxygen on wheels, and the Vet was round beside me, with her stethoscope, checking Dave was DEAD.

Now I was allowed the light out. She left the room and at that point Dave and I were alone. Id requested a chair which had been put behind me at some point. I fell Backwards into the chair almost collapsing and let out some god-awful loud painful deep cries.

I couldn't keep Them in. The pain was unstoppable. I couldn't hold it.

Vet came back in the room, and even Asked her if it was ok to hold my own cat! Why did I need her permission.
Because she bullied me... because she emotionally had bullied me into submitting. IMO, That's why. .


"Yes" she said, and she asked me
Which way I wanted to hold him- and I said I just want his head here - she helped pick him up and I sat with him in my arms for long while playing his favourite song from HUSHABY MOUNTAIN from 'chittty chatty bang bang' and 'an Irish blessing' with Roma Downy. (I had them Saved in a playlist because Dave liked music!

and if he had died when and how I had felt was right for him, I'd have wanted him to have the music on at the end BEFORE he died, in a room where he was comfortable- NOT UNDER a painfully bright GLARLY strip light-
⁃ but it was too late for that.... so I played his songs now as I held him close to my body and kissed his head and cried and cried .

To her credit the vet drove me home - so not all bad! - but not exactly gonna bring Dave back or erase all that had went on. - it was Saturday afternoon Her surgery was well Closed... I'd been the last client. - and over the years shed had well into £2.500 out of insurance due to a compound pound fracture dave suffered back in 2014.

When home, I laid Dave out on my bed, and stroked and brushed him.
⁃ Spent time holding and lifting him into my arms to feel his body close.
⁃ Then I'd lay him down and rub nice oils on his fur at places he wouldn't mind.
⁃ Then Wrapped him in a soft cream cotton throw, and sat nursing him on a sofa until 4.30 pm.

⁃ It Just wasn't right that he was gone. I was deeply upset.

Last year I'd bought a willow basket that was a pet coffin when I at one point I had scheduled a date to euthanise Dave and again he forged a bullet and the date came and went and he was kept alive and we had a wonderfully long holiday the following month in motorhome in Scotland ( where we are from) but prior to that holiday when he was still being sick each day thought he was going to be put to sleep but we 'county vets' and I had agreed he should live at lest untik his 3rd Birthday. And what happened was when I asked county vets if there was anything I could do to help
Him stop vomiting they said try him with small portions of food. So I did and he stopped vomiting for a whole week..! By which time we decided he was doing rather well and there was no need to put him to sleep. That's was last September 2016- And it all came About when he collapsed following an Attack of the 'devil cat' - and I had saved the pet coffin in the garage.

So I prepared the basket and put Dave into the little casket with his girlfriend and then at that point I noticed little bits of watery blood began to drop from his right nostril. I bathed his little nose, with iodine and water using a tiny square of soft cloth, and kept doing so as and when needed - I enjoyed tending to him - to wipe away the little bits of watery blood coming from one little Nostril. I just wanted to LOVE HIM and care for him.

I also gently anointed his body by rubbing cedar wood, & lemon grass essential oil as well as, frankincense and myrrh on my hands and gently touching his fur with it.

Please believe Dave didn't smell bad , And he didn't bloat. He was just as beautiful (almost), as he was when alive.

I 'slept' with Daves casket Beside me that night, but I didn't get much sleep. On the Sunday morning I made my bed and moved the coffin out to the hall. I continued to kneel down, stroke his head and rub his chin, because even though he was a little cold and RM was in process, he still looked like he was just sleeping on his side... and his fur was still Soft as was tip of his ear.
Sunday evening I moved him from to top of stairs landing, where he used to spend so many hours waiting for me, his mummy to come home.

I kept talking to him. I needed comfort badly so I went to church, but before I left I said goodbye to Dave and when I came home again I greeted him.
Maybe that's send weird, spending to a dead pet as if he's still alive...- but maybe not so weird for those that have known the painful loss of their beloved cats. O my those that've gone through it themselves know how much they miss their cats being their when they come to and from their house. I always said 'Bye Dave, won't be long' and then on returning 'Hi Dave... mummies home'!

I still wasn't ready to let him go into the ground, but my friend Alan, had helped me by digging the grave anyway so we were prepared..
That night I drove down the beach: it was a beautiful evening but I couldn't enjoy it without Dave- He used to go there with me In motorhome.

when I went to ASDA later for milk and bread and candles it was hard, because usually I'd buy him treats and food.
***I felt I was driving around looking for him.***With a huge Dave shaped whole and heavy weight inside My guts that would periodically cut my insides To shreds in waves of emptiness.

I recommend doing your shopping in unfamiliar stores immediately after the loss of a much loved pet.

I am Not sleeping. When I do I Have nightmares, of being chased by men trying to kill me. Please, can anyone relate ..?

Also if your cats sick please make sure you vet does the right things for him or her.
Had I Not pushed for the X-rays last year Dave's vet would not have even known he had an enlarged heart.


But because I did push, and she did X-rays I was told by vet, Dave had 'Atrophic Cardiomyopathy' therefore I thought the ace Inhibitor was the medication he truly only needed.

But actually i was very wrong In My thinking and I'm Excruciatingly Painfully aware of that now. I can say IMHO, heart of hearts, that KING DAVID would still be here today living enjoying life with me, had I been as faithful giving him the diuretic as I was at giving him the Benezapril.

The things is we will Never truly know what was going on in Dave's body. Because I didn't seek a post-mortem examination. And I didn't pursue the cardiologist or the Veterinary colleges because I was told by my local vet Dave wouldn't tolerate any more general anaesthetics Needed to learn more about his condition.

I find through my experience that vets are most times to a certain extent just guessing what's wrong, and some although think they're listening to cats owners actually DO NOT HEAR what they're saying. So if you love and desire the BEST for your cats, don't be bullied into ANYTHING, and always trust you gut feeling. If you love your cats, then it's safe to say ultimately in your heart, if it's within your means, you'll seek to always do the right thing for them.
My cat trusted me with every bone in his beautiful body! Therefore, I would have had no issue peaceably putting Dave to sleep If in my heart I was sure it was the ONLY OPTION right for Dave. - alas and Sadly I do not think it was right option - and now Dave is dead, he will not chase butterflies anymore or walk beside me at the sea shore.
And we both have to live with the decision I felt cornered by a bullying 'bad vet for Dave at that time' into making.

At the end of the day, no matter what a vet says or how they say it, never put how your VET FEELS, above what's best for your CAT and YOU. IMO The vets don't count... it's You and your cats that do!

It feels like a while now since Dave's Been gone, But in fact I only buried him 3 evening ago - during Mondays solar total eclipse 21st August 2017. It was for me, as 'Bonnie Tyler' sang, 'A TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART'
Once upon time I was falling in love... now I'm only falling apart. Nothing I can do... Total eclipse of the HEART.

If you have read to the end of this and feel like you can reach out to me - I am at heart a gentle lady:- I welcome gentle comments. Please if anything I've said has not agreed with you be gentle in your response. i am hurting so much right now inside, that I feel quite unwell, almost like the feeling of being confused or dizzy, when In fact I'm stone cold sober. I joined this forum to maybe find like minded peeps that can empathise. I don't seek anything, but support and to be able to support you. Friendly Hugzz to you all from Dave's Mum, Lorraine.

P. S like to share a few pics of Dave in all his grown up glory but the uploaded days the files are too large and only accepts pics from his formative months as a kitten standing on my shoulders taken with a lesser pixilated phone camera- feedback /ideas welcome ..? Thanks so xxx
Attachments
King David kitten
King David kitten
IMG_0503.JPG
IMG_0503.JPG (15.57 KiB) Viewed 1476 times
IMG_0504.JPG
IMG_0504.JPG (22.29 KiB) Viewed 1476 times
Last edited by Daves mum on Sun Oct 15, 2017 2:17 pm, edited 3 times in total.
User avatar
bobbys girl
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3095
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:58 pm
No. of cats in household: 5
Location: Co. Fermanagh

Re: - TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE ...OF THE HEART

Post by bobbys girl »

Hello Lorraine,

Oh sweetheart, you have been through the mill. I couldn't get to the end of your post without crying. I want to reach out and give you a big ((HUG)).

Dave has gone, and the only comfort you can cling to is - he is no longer suffering, he is at peace. You mention going to church, if you have any faith (church attendance is no guarantee of faith) you will have belief in an afterlife. You will see Dave again and he will know how much you loved him.

Many of us here will know the pain of being parted, suddenly, from our much-loved friends. Many of us carry a burden of grief that never quite leaves us. Long standing members of CC will know all about my darling Tommy, who passed Boxing Day 2015. He was a prince among cats and is still missed by ALL of us (cats and humans alike). I will never forget carrying him back to the house and laying him out in the caravan I use as a studio/workshop, to give the other cats chance to say goodbye - which they did. I remember every second and re-live it every time I read a post like yours (part of the reason for the tears)

I also know all about finding the right vet! My boy Bob would not be here now if I had listened to our local vet.

I want to say more, but if I may, I would like to pm you and chat that way.

Sue x
User avatar
Ruth B
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1998
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 11:31 am
No. of cats in household: 3
Location: Wolverhampton

Re: - TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE ...OF THE HEART

Post by Ruth B »

I am so sorry for you, your post had me in tears before I got to the end as well.

Yes, you did make a mistake not realising how important all his medication was and in the end Dave paid the price, HOWEVER, with everything else that you had on your plate at the time and the vets attitude I think you are far from being the guilty party in this whole affair, you needed help and support with a desperately ill cat, and once it was made clear that putting him to sleep wasn't an option your vet should have given you that, or at the very least sent you somewhere you could have got it.

With an enlarged heart, David's days were numbered and while the medication could help control the condition and prolong his life I don't think anything could have cured it. In the circumstances I feel you did the best you were able to for him.

I have been lucky to never have had a bad vet, and have had some really excellent ones. All of us pet owners know that there will come a time when we have to make that hardest of decision, but it is something that we should never be pushed into making we should always feel that the time is right and it is the best option for the cat involved. David might not have been able to survive another anesthetic, but a chat with the cardiologist might have been able to explain things, and even if you didn't want to go and see them, your vet should at least have been able to arrange for them to call you and discuss options.

Feeling guilty about it is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process, even more so for you when you know you made a mistake, but please try and focus on the good times he had, remember that he isn't in pain anymore and if you have any belief in an afterlife think of him chasing butterflies wherever he is while he waits for you to join him when the time finally comes. He was obviously a gorgeous lad from the photos you have uploaded (there is another thread about photos if you want to upload more, I use the Webresizer site to reduce any of mine down so they'll fit). Alternatively, when your life has settled down again, you might find another furry friend walks into you life and then you start to notice certain behaviours that are so familiar, sometimes when we have made a mistake and have realised it, we do get a second chance and you will know for certain that he held no grudge.

If it does happen, then the biggest bit of advice I can give, get another vet.
Daves mum
New Cat Chatter
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:40 am

Re: - TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE ...OF THE HEART

Post by Daves mum »

bobbys girl wrote:Hello Lorraine,

Oh sweetheart, you have been through the mill. I couldn't get to the end of your post without crying. I want to reach out and give you a big ((HUG)).

Dave has gone, and the only comfort you can cling to is - he is no longer suffering, he is at peace. You mention going to church, if you have any faith (church attendance is no guarantee of faith) you will have belief in an afterlife. You will see Dave again and he will know how much you loved him.

Many of us here will know the pain of being parted, suddenly, from our much-loved friends. Many of us carry a burden of grief that never quite leaves us. Long standing members of CC will know all about my darling Tommy, who passed Boxing Day 2015. He was a prince among cats and is still missed by ALL of us (cats and humans alike). I will never forget carrying him back to the house and laying him out in the caravan I use as a studio/workshop, to give the other cats chance to say goodbye - which they did. I remember every second and re-live it every time I read a post like yours (part of the reason for the tears)

I also know all about finding the right vet! My boy Bob would not be here now if I had listened to our local vet.

I want to say more, but if I may, I would like to pm you and chat that way.

Sue x

Hi Sue. Thank you so much for reading all the way to end... & for your kind & detailed response. I'm so glad u can relate, and yet at same time sorry for your sad loss when I read how on many levels remember your Tommy 'Prince among cats'! :- Yes!, please pm me... - Do you know my email address- I'm still finding my way around the boards of CC... Not sure how to pm you? Reading many of the bearevment board threads has been a help to me in my own grief. I thought about posting this on those boards but I feel what I've shared may well help someone to save their beloved cat from going through what Dave went through because of my own mistakes/ignorance and vets stubborn blindness. I can't converse this morning as I have to go to Glasgow today which is an hours drive there and back and have a few hours visiting my mum...she's still at Q Elizabeth hospital neurological dept. Look forward to finding a PM from you Sue! -Have a lovely day! ✨ thanks again -Kindest regards. Lorraine. (Dave's mum)

P. s. Yes I have faith. And I'm aware many ppl that's go to church don't really have faith. - actually I don't normally go to church... I've not been fellowshiping with anyone for years as I've found most of the larger places of workshop to be empty of true Christianity IMHO. But it so happened in the past 3 weeks a chain of events took place that introduced me to 2 very small fellowships and I was able to go and enjoy the quiet peace of God which I know and value and have found lacking in many of the 'modern churcg services' - and be comforted by his Word, and take some comfort in the fellowship of other link minded believers in Christ Jesus my saviour. Dave liked Jesus. Dave knew the power and love of Jesus over the years there were many times Dave received a healing from the Holy Spirits touch. I don't know why he wasn't healed of the enlarged heart... but I am feeling more confident following a dream Dave is safe in one of the many mansions in My Heavenly Fathers house.

***DREAM** I shared this also with Ruth- but I don't know if you see other Cat-chatters comments:- I'll share it with you too if you'd like me to... >>> I had a dream Re: Dave 2 nights ago, it brought me so much comfort.

I'll call the dream. 'The lion will Play with the Lamb' because David was my 'wee lamb'. I sure hope you don't mind my sharing as i know some ppl don't care or believe about dreams - and it's very precious to me.. so I hope you don't mind.
- In the dream Dave was alive well in his new abode and having fun outside playing with other animals.... he was so boisterous and full of life, I was just so so happy to see what he did next- he came up behind a lion, yes a lion! - the lion was full grown 10 times size Dave, sitting by roadside peacefully minding his own business, for some reason I know not what, the lion was raised up on his hind legs, perhaps looking over a fence at something,...when Dave came Up from the lions rear, right hand side, ran, jumped up really hard and playfully pushed the lion off balance-: the lion fell over, and Dave promptly ran inside and up the stairs of his new abode as fast as he could... haha. - he ran half out of wanting the lion to chase him as he wasn't really afraid, he just wanted to play, and the lion wasn't really annoyed just a bit silly looking how he was pushed over by a much smaller cat.
:) :)
I can't tell you how much comfort this brought me to see he was enjoying himself, confident and especially that he was no longer ill ; not out of breath at all from the all the fun and running...praise God!
Last edited by Daves mum on Sat Aug 26, 2017 9:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
Daves mum
New Cat Chatter
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:40 am

Re: - TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE ...OF THE HEART

Post by Daves mum »

Ruth B wrote:I am so sorry for you, your post had me in tears before I got to the end as well.

Yes, you did make a mistake not realising how important all his medication was and in the end Dave paid the price, HOWEVER, with everything else that you had on your plate at the time and the vets attitude I think you are far from being the guilty party in this whole affair, you needed help and support with a desperately ill cat, and once it was made clear that putting him to sleep wasn't an option your vet should have given you that, or at the very least sent you somewhere you could have got it.

With an enlarged heart, David's days were numbered and while the medication could help control the condition and prolong his life I don't think anything could have cured it. In the circumstances I feel you did the best you were able to for him.

I have been lucky to never have had a bad vet, and have had some really excellent ones. All of us pet owners know that there will come a time when we have to make that hardest of decision, but it is something that we should never be pushed into making we should always feel that the time is right and it is the best option for the cat involved. David might not have been able to survive another anesthetic, but a chat with the cardiologist might have been able to explain things, and even if you didn't want to go and see them, your vet should at least have been able to arrange for them to call you and discuss options.

Feeling guilty about it is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process, even more so for you when you know you made a mistake, but please try and focus on the good times he had, remember that he isn't in pain anymore and if you have any belief in an afterlife think of him chasing butterflies wherever he is while he waits for you to join him when the time finally comes. He was obviously a gorgeous lad from the photos you have uploaded (there is another thread about photos if you want to upload more, I use the Webresizer site to reduce any of mine down so they'll fit). Alternatively, when your life has settled down again, you might find another furry friend walks into you life and then you start to notice certain behaviours that are so familiar, sometimes when we have made a mistake and have realised it, we do get a second chance and you will know for certain that he held no grudge.

If it does happen, then the biggest bit of advice I can give, get another vet.
Hi Ruth- Thanks for your lovely response! Your words are a comfort. Thank you so much. I do believe in the afterlife. I believe our physical body is an earthen vehicle that carries our soul and spirit... until it's spent /dead and then we enter the spiritual realm /afterlife; where hopefully We have spiritual bodies resembling our limited physical ones.
I am greatful I ever knew Dave. He taught me so much about dignity and forgiveness... I know he holds no grudge but it's so nice to hear someone else saying it to me... SO THANK YOU!
I'm trying to remember the good times. But it's still painful to see cat food on the shelves of stores, even Poundland has cat food I once bought now and then for Dave. I also bought the preoacjes chicken breaks. He liked the tikka masala flavoured chicken. I cannot bring myself to buy them anymore, as we used to share a pack. He always looked for me coming home with 'goodies' something on my bag for my 'babbie'.

Thanks for tips on sharing more photos I'd love to do that- just finding my way around CC..!
I had a dream about Dave 2 nights ago thats brought me so much comfort-:I'll share it with you if you like -:
he was alive well in his new abode and having fun outside playing with other animals.... he was so boisterous and full of life, I was just so so happy to see what he did next- he came up behind a lion, yes a lion! - the lion was full grown 10 times size Dave, sitting by roadside peacefully minding his own business, for some reason I know not what, the lion was raised up on his hind legs, perhaps looking over a fence at something,...when Dave came Up from the lions rear, right hand side, ran, jumped up really hard and playfully pushed the lion off balance-: the lion fell over, and Dave promptly ran inside and up the stairs of his new abode as fast as he could... haha. I can't tell you how much comfort this brought me to see he was enjoying himself, confident and especially that he was no longer ill ; not out of breath at all from the all the fun and running...praise God!

Thank you Ruth for your thoughtful words and good advice. I hope you have a lovely Saturday. Best regards, Lorraine
Post Reply