Gutted and nesting support

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
Post Reply
Lowkey
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:44 am

Gutted and nesting support

Post by Lowkey »

Like many others it seems I've just joined as I had my beautiful nearly 17 year old boy, Oscar (also known as Rooney/Roo) pts yesterday. I just need cat people, who "get it" to ramble at...

He had some kind of sinus/nasal cancer - altho the biopsy and tests never actually found any cancer the vet said there was a very fine line between cancer and inflammatory disease - that first became symptomatic in August 2016 (altho he had been sneezing more than is normal for a cat for a year or so before but I put that down to dust, a change of cat litter etc etc).

He did so well and exceeded all expectations and despite a sometimes bloody and snotty left nostril he plugged on with two cat saunas a day, long term antibiotics and metacam as his normal, happy, purry, in your face, daft self. We had a couple of scars where I thought we were close to the end but each time he rallied on a fresh course of meds.

His breathing started to get really noisy a few weeks ago and he slowed down and lost 500g very quickly. We tried a course of prednisone which gave him one week of feeling better and being his normal self but didn't give relief from the noisy breathing which got worse. He went off his food last weekend and I knew in my heart by Sunday that we'd reached the end of the line.

Vet confirmed at the planned appointment on Tues that he was just exhausted as was using all his abdominal muscles to breathe and we booked him in for pts on Thursday so that my exH (Oscar was his cat but remained in the family home with his litter mate and me and kids after we split) could be there.

ExH bunked out of work y'day afternoon and we spent two hours just cuddling and purring Oscar (he was still receptive to affection and purrs right to the end) before we headed to the vets.

The vets were brilliant, O was sedated and brought to us so sweet and sleepy and finally with the noisy breathing silenced. He went to sleep on exH's lap with both of us stroking him after final sleepy cuddles and kisses.

Making the decision on Tuesday and holding that for two days was awful. Letting him go was almost a relief. I had lots of cuddles when my kids last night (they are all devastated having never known life without O). Now the kids are off to school, they are an exH for the weekend and I'm just feeling gutted and wretched.

So much of my brain and time has been silent caring for that puss cat over the last year and making sure he got lots of cuddles as we didn't know how long he'd be with us (his original prognosis was 3-6 months from Nov 2016).

His litter mate and lifelong companion, Ziggy (female) is here beside me. I don't know if she knows he's gone, they slept curled up together most nights. She's in rude health right now but has had an adenocarcinoma removed from a salivary gland and that may or may not recurr...

Oscar was very special, he lost his tail in an rta in 2007 and was the neighbourhood friendly cat.

I'm so pleased he's out of all distress, so pleased the vet guided me to release him before we reached a crisis but my heart is broken. When do you start feeling better?

Thank you for listening.
Lowkey
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:44 am

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by Lowkey »

"nesting".. I meant needing!
Lowkey
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:44 am

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by Lowkey »

... And apologies for all the other typos. Posting thru tears.
User avatar
bobbys girl
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3095
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:58 pm
No. of cats in household: 5
Location: Co. Fermanagh

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by bobbys girl »

Hi Lowkey, no need to apologise for anything. You are hurting right now, but the overwhelming impression I got from your post is of the gentle and loving passing that you gave your boy Oscar. He was one lucky cat and you should be proud of yourselves for that.

I know that doesn't help much now, but you are among friends. Some people say there are stages to grieving, but it takes as long as it takes and sometimes it takes you by surprise.

Sending you virtual (hugs) and fussies to Ziggy.

Sue
User avatar
fjm
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1675
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 6:11 pm
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: North West England

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by fjm »

There are tears in my eyes too reading your post - he was obviously a very special cat, much loved and very loving. I hope you can find comfort in having done everything possible to help him, and to help your family when the time came to say goodbye. You kept him pain free and happy for all those months, and then helped him to a gentle and easeful passing held by those who loved him most, before life could become burdensome. Be kind to yourself, especially in these early devastating days - I think we can tend to forget how physically painful grief can be, and how exhausting.
User avatar
Ruth B
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1998
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 11:31 am
No. of cats in household: 3
Location: Wolverhampton

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by Ruth B »

No need to apologize for anything, we have all been there and know how hard it can be.

You certainly did your best for Oscar, you gave him the best life possible while he was fit and healthy and at the end you made the hardest decision of all to let him go

I am in no doubt that Ziggy knows what has happened and knows that you need her support at the moment, cats are incredibly intuitive creatures.

The pain of the loss will eventually fade, but it will take as long as it takes and it is different for everyone. Also remember that grief has many forms and goes through many stages. Whenever you feel the need to talk there will be people here willing to listen and who understand what you are going through.
User avatar
Mayday21
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 845
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2015 7:44 am
No. of cats in household: 5
Location: Australia

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by Mayday21 »

Hi Lowkey condolences on your Oscar. As posted on the “anxious” post my comments would only repeat what others have said. Ziggy will certainly pick up that you need some comforting they’re very intuitive to our emotions. RIP Oscar...vivian
Lowkey
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:44 am

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by Lowkey »

Thank you all.

Today has been a little easier, I am at peace (kinda) that I did all that was humanely possible to keep my beautiful boy happy and comfy until the end and that releasing him from the distress of his breathing difficulties at the end was the kindest and most loving final act however much I miss him. I loved him so much, I miss him so very much.

Little things like realising I don't need to leave the tap dripping for him, only filling one food bowl etc will set me suddenly to tears.

Ziggy is getting lots and lots of love and attention and is kitten like and playful but is a little listless and meowing at me in the night... She wantssl me to come and play string with her at 1am and 4am, there is no Oscar for a chase fight.

Went to the rspca shelter today to see about finding a young, but small, companion for Ziggy... Seeing her sleeping solo in spots where she and O always curled together is heartbreaking. I hope she would accept a new companion but its so hard to know with cats.

Thank yo all again for keeping me sane.
User avatar
fjm
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1675
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 6:11 pm
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: North West England

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by fjm »

It's good to hear that you are feeling more at peace - it was the right decision and the right time, but very hard to bear. They wind themselves into every minute of our days, and it is often the sudden absence of the small routines and ceremonies that stabs us to the heart.
User avatar
Ruth B
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1998
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 11:31 am
No. of cats in household: 3
Location: Wolverhampton

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by Ruth B »

Glad to hear that you are starting to feel a little better, there will be bad days, but hopefully the good days and the good memories will start to outweigh the bad ones. Just keep reminding yourself of how good a life he had and that he didn't suffer at the end, it is the best we can offer our pets. There will be little things that remind you of him for a long time to come, but when it happens try and recall the good memories associated with it, remember his life not his death. Cats and running taps normally provide a selection of amusing memories.

I have always been one to get another cat after losing one and most of the time they have fitted in fine. However I have made a mistake or two over the years.

Have a good think about what type of cat Ziggy would get on with. When I lost my old Ragdoll I was left with Tiggy a moggy of about 13 years. Blue had been about 16 when he was pts. I didn't want to take on another old cat, the hurt of losing Blue was still to sharp and I had the vision of me constantly taking on cats that would only live a year or two and then having to go through the pain again. I didn't want a cat in it's prime that would bully Tiggy, she was here first and had to stay top cat. So I opted for a pair of youngsters, one male one female that I hoped would play together and give her some peace and would leave me with my normal complement of two cats when Tiggy's time finally came. While they have settled, the young male is rather too boisterous and wanting to play a little too rough and too often. Hindsight is wonderful and I should probably have gone for a single older cat, one that the charity could have told me was placid and submissive to other cats.

Have a good think about what Oscar and Ziggy's relationship was, who was dominant, who was submissive, how much they played together, how much they slept together and then have a long talk with all the charities in your area, the more people you talk to the more likely you are to find the right companion for Ziggy and for you.
Lowkey
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:44 am

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by Lowkey »

Aww thanks for the advice.

Vet thinks ziggy could do with another companion.

Oscar was dominant as bolder but really Ziggy was always the brains of the pair (managed unlike him not to get run over while sunbathing in the road, not to jump out of first floor window in pursuit of a moth, not to break a tooth by running into a chair leg in pursuit of a bluebottle, not to get stuck on a scaffold platform etc) would make him move off the food bowl when she wanted to eat and Boot him out of a comfy spot if she fancied it. She groomed him always and they slept as a tabby bundle. What she really seems to be missing is someone to play with, I am being called to get into a game of mouse and string at 1 and 4am... Her and Oscar would often go chasing each other at 1am....right up until a couple of weeks ago when he slowed down.

I am thinking a young - possibly slightly shy - female would be a good companion. I too could not cope wth another senior cat at the moment.

Ziggy is a teeny cat of barely 3kg so I need someone who'd not intimidate her - not a big bold boy. I did see a 4 mouth old girl who was rescued from a multi cat household at the shelter yesterday.... But one of the other cats she came in with has developed flu so they are watching this girl, if she gets flu too then she will have to be rehomed to be a solo cat (so far no signs)... But I have expressed my interest and the shelter would insist on me meeting her with my kids and doing a home check first anyway to assess us as a good match.

It is so hard to know what is for the best.
User avatar
Ruth B
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1998
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2016 11:31 am
No. of cats in household: 3
Location: Wolverhampton

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by Ruth B »

Blue was normally described as loverbly dimwitted, he was never the sharpest knife in the block, Saturn is another that managed to fall off a first floor window sill, and he wasn't even chasing anything, he just managed to push the window open and proceeded to fall off.

I was once told that a male horse's intelligence was all in its balls, which explained why geldings weren't as bright as stallions, I do wonder if the same could be said of cats.

It sounds like you might have found your new little girl already, fingers crossed she stays healthy and can join you soon.
User avatar
bobbys girl
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3095
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:58 pm
No. of cats in household: 5
Location: Co. Fermanagh

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by bobbys girl »

Ruth B wrote:I was once told that a male horse's intelligence was all in its balls, which explained why geldings weren't as bright as stallions, I do wonder if the same could be said of cats.

It sounds like you might have found your new little girl already, fingers crossed she stays healthy and can join you soon.
Give me a dumb gelding over a homicidal mare anyday!

Hope that little girl stays well. :D
User avatar
BobbiRobbie
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 30
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:29 am
No. of cats in household: 0
Location: Staffordshire

Re: Gutted and nesting support

Post by BobbiRobbie »

So sorry for your loss, Lowkey. You did your very best for Oscar and at the end he was comfortable and peaceful. A truly selfless act.

I had to have my boy Charlie pts on new year's day. Like you, I'd had a few years of being back and forth at the vets with tests etc. I never expected to lose him so suddenly. I still can't really think of that day and the moment he slipped away without becoming very emotional. He was my best friend and I loved him more deeply than anyone I've known (that might sound dramatic but it's true).

Grief is different for everyone, so just take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself.

I hope you manage to find a companion for your other kitty :)
Post Reply