Grief and regret
Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2021 12:39 pm
We moved home and discovered a stray cat who regularly came into our garden. After two years of not being able to get anywhere near him, my husband decided to build a shelter for him, which we put next to our patio doors. The cat started sleeping in it and gradually got more trusting of us until he decided to move into our house. He turned into the most loving and well behaved cat, who followed me everywhere and sat on my knee every time I sat down. I adored him. After having him for 4 years he came in the other week (we had started to keep him in at night as he’d previously been injured in a cat fight) ready for bed and I noticed blood on his cheek. Thinking it was another cat fight injury, I bathed it in salt water and he settled down for the night. Next morning his face was very swollen and he couldn’t close his mouth. We rushed him to the emergency vets, and due to Covid, handed him over to them in the car park. We waited in the car until we got a call on our mobile saying they were keeping him in over night as he appeared to have a fractured jaw due to what appeared to be a dog attack and they wanted to do X-rays etc.
The following day the next vet on duty rang. My husband took the call and told me that the vet had said that the treatment needed was “an awful lot to put a cat through, with no guarantee of him getting better”. We had both said to the vets we spoke to that we would give the go ahead to do whatever was needed to make him better, and it was indicated that the kindest thing for the cat was to put him to sleep. Because we wanted what was the best for him, we rang the vet back and gave consent to euthanise.
Two weeks later I can’t help thinking we made the wrong decision. I’ve since researched fixing a cat’s broken jaw, and it seems to be a pretty common treatment, with a high success rate. Why were we lead to believe that it would be too traumatic? There’s no way in the world I would have had him put to sleep if there was any way he could have recovered. On top of this regret, I wasn’t able to see him again, as no one was allowed into the practice. I feel like I just abandoned him, and left him to have his life ended when he could have been saved. I’d fully expected to be bringing him home again in a day or two. The grief is so deep. I miss him so much. I’m just struggling with so many emotions and am finding it difficult to just get through each day. I don’t believe in the afterlife so can take no comfort in the thought that I’ll see him again some day. My beautiful boy has gone.
The following day the next vet on duty rang. My husband took the call and told me that the vet had said that the treatment needed was “an awful lot to put a cat through, with no guarantee of him getting better”. We had both said to the vets we spoke to that we would give the go ahead to do whatever was needed to make him better, and it was indicated that the kindest thing for the cat was to put him to sleep. Because we wanted what was the best for him, we rang the vet back and gave consent to euthanise.
Two weeks later I can’t help thinking we made the wrong decision. I’ve since researched fixing a cat’s broken jaw, and it seems to be a pretty common treatment, with a high success rate. Why were we lead to believe that it would be too traumatic? There’s no way in the world I would have had him put to sleep if there was any way he could have recovered. On top of this regret, I wasn’t able to see him again, as no one was allowed into the practice. I feel like I just abandoned him, and left him to have his life ended when he could have been saved. I’d fully expected to be bringing him home again in a day or two. The grief is so deep. I miss him so much. I’m just struggling with so many emotions and am finding it difficult to just get through each day. I don’t believe in the afterlife so can take no comfort in the thought that I’ll see him again some day. My beautiful boy has gone.