Losing another cat so soon

[CatLady42]

Hello all

Well here I am again, feeling desperately sad because my darling little cat has cancer and all that is left for her is palliative care. This comes after I had my 17 year old boy PTS at the end of August. I've only had my little old lady for eight months (she is nearly 17) but, as they all do, she has stolen my heart and I can't believe I'm having to go through all this heartbreak again so soon. The diagnosis has come as such as shock - I found a lump on her leg on 17 June, she was taken in for investigations on 18 June and we had the diagnosis by 20 June.

All I want for her now is for her to be as comfortable and content as possible for as long as possible. Getting her to eat is difficult and I'm finding it hard to find anything to tempt her, even the AD food. She is still eating, but only very lightly. She's on Meloxidil for pain relief/anti-inflammatory and we're just taking it a day at a time. I don't know how long she's got - one minute I think she's looking okay and then a few hours later she'll be sat looking very sorry for herself. I've got that hideous dilemma of deciding when I should let her go - I won't keep her going for longer than I should - and knowing I have to make that decision again so soon after having my last cat PTS is torture. I feel like an emotional wreck.

We foster her with two other cats who are much younger, and I'm wondering what to do when she is PTS. I'm really keen to have this done at home to eliminate any stress on her - assuming there isn't an emergency which necessitates us rushing her to the vets - but I'm not sure how to manage the other cats after she's PTS. Should they see her body to have some understanding that she's dead (if they have an understanding), or is it better that we just take her away without them seeing her and then just let them look for her for a few days. I'm not sure whether if they saw her body they would actually understand she had died, or whether this would be a good or bad thing to do for them. They are all quite bonded as they lived together in a family unit for five or six years before they came to me. I'm not trying to put human emotions on them, but I don't know what is best. Are the remaining two going to freak out if they see her dead in the house? I know there will be lots of people who have faced this dilemma, so any input would be appreciated.

I was saying to my husband yesterday, he just doesn't understand how deeply I love my cats and just how acutely I feel their loss. He's very pragmatic, and although he's really fond of them all, he just says 'well she was old when you got her so it's only to be expected'. He's not unkind; he's sympathetic but he just can't empathise where the cats are concerned. I've been in tears on and off for days, and I'll be in tears on and off until she dies and for weeks after she dies. (I still desperately miss my old boy and cry for him too sometimes.)

If anyone has any input in terms of this euthanasia question or any unusual suggestions on the food front to try and tempt her, that would be appreciated. I know this isn't technically a bereavement, but I am already grieving because I know it's only a matter of time before I'm going to lose my dear little cat.

Thanks all. x

[catslave16]

First of all let me say how much I admire you for fostering another elderly cat so soon after losing a beloved cat. I considered doing the same after my adored Blake died in 2014 but decided I couldn't cope with another bereavement (I live alone and my only son is 200 miles away). Your husband obviously doesn't understand how deeply some of us love our cats. I had to have Blake PTS on his 18th birthday, and it's still the worst decision I've ever had to make. The vet came to my house and he died in my arms, and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. He had kidney failure. He was drinking an awful lot, having bowls of water all over the house (he'd nod over them and get his little chin all wet), eating only expensive ocean fish pate, but he was still going out - in fact in his last 24 hours he made seven circuits of the house and garden, me following with a torch when it got dark. But he'd started 'denning' (hiding in small dark spaces), and in his last week he suddenly got very thin. But when he became unsteady on his feet and started to struggle with his breathing I realised it was time for him to go. And oh how I wished he'd slip away naturally, like my 15-year old blind tabby had done many years previously. I told him again and again it was okay, he could go, and he'd look at me and purr, doze off for twenty minutes, call out to me and purr again (now I'm sobbing...) I was so glad he didn't slink away to die by himself, as some cats do, but it meant I had to make the decision to end his life for him. And he died so quickly, he was gone before the vet had pushed the plunger halfway down the hypodermic. He's buried in the garden, beside the little tortie, and six months ago I adopted a gorgeous long- haired ginger. He's five. The old lady he lived with died. She'd called him Fluffy, but I've renamed him Rufus Tuftypaws, and my life feels complete now that I have a cat living with me again. I just didn't feel right being catless.

I think you'll know when it's time for your poor little girl to be PTS. That may sound vague and probably not at all helpful, but I think there will come a point when you just know life is no longer supportable for either of you, when you can tell by her looks and behaviour that she's had enough. I'm new to this site but I believe you'll get a lot of emotional support here. Please let me be the first to offer that, with love. You'll need it; I did. Cats really do 'leave pawprints on our hearts'.
Stay strong.

[catslave16]

Dear CatLady
Just a PS: a cat who lives a few doors down from us was friendly with my Blake, and used to come in through the cat flap and sleep near him. In Blake's last week Frankie kept miaowing at the front door (I'd locked the cat flap by then) but I didn't let him in as Blake wasn't as fond of Frankie as Frankie was of Blake, and I didn't want to stress Blake. My neighbour dug Blake's little grave, but it was quite a while before I could bring myself to put him in it, in his fleecy shroud.I did notice that Frankie kept sniffing round the grave, and after Blake was buried he stopped coming to the house altogether for about three weeks, and when he started to come back I'm sure he was actually looking for Blake. I reckon that somehow he knew what was happening, and I now wish I'd allowed him to see Blake dead. So I would suggest that you let your other cats see and sniff the little one, once she's gone. We just don't know if cats have any understanding of death, but they may understand on some level of their own, so I don't think it would do any harm, and it may help.
Best wishes.

[bobbys girl]

Dear CatLady, first of all, many of us here have been through what you are facing and can empathise with you. It is never easy to say goodbye. Your little girl is very lucky to have you.

In regards to your other cats, all I can say is we gave ours the option to say goodbye to Tommy. I had laid him out on his favourite towel in the caravan I use as a work room/office and left the door open. Only Purdy came in a sat with him for a while. All the girls watched us bury him, Gracie and Purdy sitting only a few feet away.

The odd thing since then is how they have filled the gap that he left. Grace spends a lot of the day sitting in his favourite spot in the caravan. Bob has his space in the garden and on the car roof and Purdy has taken the roll of peacemaker, breaking up (or trying to) any arguments.

I still miss the old fella. They do leave their footprints on your heart.

[Crewella]

I'm so sorry you're going through this - it's such a tough time and such a tough decision. Having been in this position several times in the last few years as my original family of cats all reached their late teens and we started to lose them, all I can say is that with all of them there came a time when I was suddenly no longer wondering if the time was right - I just knew. I was advised on here 'better a day too early than a day too late', which I found a great help as it made me realise that they were on the way out anyway ...... all I had to do was decide if they were getting enough enjoyment out of life to make the discomfort and necessary stress of giving medications worthwhile for another day or so. With each one, there came a day where I felt that the bad days were outnumbering the good days and I could see that they were tired and had had enough. It was as though the mists cleared and I was suddenly no longer in doubt.

With all of mine, I have laid them out for the others to see. With Peaches in particular, who had been inseparable from my boy Daz from the day she arrived as a terrified feral, I made sure that Daz saw her, and he spent a good five minutes sniffing her all over before walking away. I'm convinced it helps them to understand the loss - I know Daz misses her, but he didn't search in the days after we lost her. Most of the gang have watched as we have buried the departed one in the garden.

I hope that helps. (((hugs)))

[CatLady42]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice.

My little old lady seems to have perked up remarkably since Friday afternoon, so much so that she was up asking for breakfast this morning after days of me desperately trying and failing to get her to eat anything more than a few Dreamies! She even jumped on the bed today - something she hasn't done in the last fortnight. I was in the depths of despair on Friday morning, as she'd been so withdrawn and quiet and hardly getting out of her bed at all, not eating and just not particularly interested in life for days. She'd been so quiet and disinterested on Thursday that I said if she was no better on Friday, then perhaps it would be time to call it a day as she didn't seem to be getting much out of life and I just couldn't see things getting any better for her. Amazingly, after refusing food of any sort for breakfast on Friday morning (and believe me, in these desperate times, I've got a lot of options on offer!), her not getting up and really not responding to me at all, out of the blue mid-morning she got up from her bed, had a stretch, put her tail in the air, toddled off for a drink and went and sat on the middle of the living room rug looking bright as a button with an expression that seemed to say 'what are you looking at me like that for?'

Needless to say I am utterly astounded and astonished, not to mention overjoyed!! I felt so sure she had had enough because she just seemed to be on a downward spiral, but this weekend she has been so much more like her old self. I don't know how or why she's perked up, or how long she'll be able to sustain it, but I'm just glad she has, bless her.

Thank you for all your advice - I'm sure I'll need to be in touch again as time passes. x

[bobbys girl]

I am pleased to hear that, Catlady. Tommy was like that and we made the most of the good days, lots of fusses, lots of treats - he loved roast chicken.

[Crewella]

I'm so pleased to hear that - I hope she has some more good days to come. xx