Overwhelming grief

[Tracey1979]

I lost my cat Jeff on Monday. He had hapatitis and went downhill very quickly. He was only around 8 or 9. He was a stray brought into the vet practice I worked at, and I took him home to see if an owner came forward. That was 6 years ago nearly to the day. He saved my life. I have suffered depression my whole life, and before I fell pregnant with my daughter I hit the bottom. I decided to end it all. But couldnt leave him without me, so said that when he was gone, I would go too. It gave me time to get help and then found out I was having my daughter. So he really did save my life, kept me going for something amazing to come along. He was my special boy and I am devastated I will never have him cuddle in again. Never hear his awesome powerful purr. Never again have to brush his fur from my clothes. Or see him running to the kitchen at the sound of a tin being opened. I have had pets all my life, every loss a heart break. But this is the hardest. And I dont think this loss will ever heal.

[bobbys girl]

Oh Tracey, I am so sorry to hear your news. Losing an older cat is hard enough, but you can accept it more. But one in the prime of life is so sad, so cruel. I wish I could say something that would take away the hurt. Just know that we are here for you.

RIP Jeff, one special little cat. (Hugs) to you Tracey.

Sue x

[Mayday21]

Tracey hugs to you at this time of loss and grief. He was such a lucky boy for you to take him in and love him and he returned that love to you tenfold: that's what unconditional love is all about. Post whatever while your going through this and you'll receive heaps of support. Thinking of you as others will be too. Vivian

[Wanda6688]

Tracy - so sorry for your loss, I know how that feels - time is great healer and although you won't feel it now, it is true. Post on here whenever you need to.

Take care xx

[GillianH]

I lost one of my cats in December 2004 (road traffic accident - well actually it was a man over the road from me driving up our quiet residential street way too fast) and if I think about him a lot I can very easily feel the grief, pain and loss I felt all that time ago.

It is under a week since you lost Jeff so you will of course be feeling numb from this as is only natural when a much loved pet passes away.

Be kind to yourself and as others say post on here whenever you want to.

[Kris35]

Tracey, I too have depressiona and was thinking about topping myself when my cats went. I lost one two weeks ago and have one old girl remaining plus a stray boy. What I have found by reading this site, is that some people feel just as we do, but getting another cat seems to help them. I have two friends who were the same as me when their dog/cat passed over - they were suicidal and I didn't think they would make it. Both lost their companions two years ago and now they both have other animals and are going through the same thing worrying about losing the. I say this because they do love these other animals just as intensely and having them has helped them. I know about the empty feeling. The pit of depression in the stomach. The thought that I don't want to go on. The one thing that is helping me is to plan a future for myself. I think its a lack of connections that make it worse for some people. I cannot connect with humans so all my love goes to the animals and so when they have gone I feel like I will have nothing left. I am trying to work on that.

[Kris35]

Tracey, I have my old girl here at home and she is being cremated next week. Its weird but her being here is comforting to me. I even thought about having her freeze dried but decided this wasn't for me. Someone was telling me yesterday they have a 3D photo of their passed over dog which helps him feel like she is still there. God its so hard isnt it.

[Kris35]

Also just to say - it comes in waves with me but I have found the Blue Cross "pet" (hate that word) bereavement line is good - depending on who you get, but on the whole they have made me feel better - just for a while, then it hits again. But they are worth a ring when you are on a downward spiral.

[Wanda6688]

I used Blue Cross in the very early days and found them very helpful. Yes, I totally understand that the grief takes you in waves - one minute you are OK and then it hits you so hard you are back to where to where you started. I guess that is what grief does to you. Did I suffer depression - well I guess I did, I cried an awful lot and had very little interest in anything, but for me it passed, very slowly admittedly but it did pass. I almost think that we need a fast forward button for this type of loss, we know that the feeling will pass but we have to go through all the horrible stuff before it does. It will pass believe me - please take care and remember that with time you will heal and feel better.

Wanda xx

[Kris35]

You are similar to me Wanda - I live alone and work from home. I remember when you posted the thread "does it get any easier", so its a bit of a relief to see you coming in here now and posting. And I know from my two friends who both wanted to kill themselves when their animals' passed over that it does get easier and I never thought they would get through it.

Am hoping the OP is ok. I sent Tracey a PM to see if she wanted to talk on the phone - really hope you are ok Tracey.

[issiandarchie+68]

On March 31st I took my little black cat Armand, to the vets for a routine visit and mentioned he was coughing badly. I wasn't worried, he had been very ill when we took him in 5yrs previously and was always a little wheezy. He died at the vets. A tumour in his tiny chest and lungs filling up with fluid. I was distraught. Exactly a week later, I took my beautiful silver and white cat to vet because, despite being very healthy up to that point, she was losing weight rapidly. She was put to sleep last Friday, a skeleton, a shadow of her former self, due to kidney failure. The grief is overwhelming. Armand was 11 and Cody 8. I sank into deep depression, can't eat or sleep but the support I have received from 'Catchat', friends and family have made me realise I am not alone. Last night, I actually slept after realising my 3rd cat Gandhi, is missing his pals, they all got on very well, and he needs me. My point is this, I have seen notices in our local area (Glasgow) looking for people to adopt and/ or help out with all kinds of animals. They are offering financial help with feeding, vets fee, transport etc. I know from personal experience that the love and affection exchanged with our pets can be a lifesaver and I wonder if helping out/adopting as I have outlined would help? Seems a shame to waste the love in your hearts. Unfortunately, as I am now 68 and my husband 69, there will be no more pets for us after the demise (hopefully not in the near future) of my beloved Gandhi.

[Kay]

you sound an ideal fosterer to me, especially for older and/or special needs cats, which are often long term projects

your experience of looking after cats, and the time you could give to them, would be a godsend to an overstretched rescue

and if you fall in love you could always adopt

[Mayday21]

Hi Issie I agree with Kay's post. The best thing I did other than joining this forum was to get involved with Little a Paws Kitten Rescue Assoc here. Deb & her fur babies were God sends. Vivian

[Wanda6688]

I also agree with the other posts - I know how hard it is to lose a much loved pet but I have been helping out with my local Cats Protection and I find that it gives me something back. I don't do much for them as I work full time, but when I can help, I do. Sometimes with their homing events and taking cats to the vets when needed. There are so many cats that need our help and although it doesn't bring our own much loved cats back, it feels good to know that I have helped in a small way the other cats that need a home, it does make a difference.

[issiandarchie+68]

I used Blue Cross in the very early days and found them very helpful. Yes, I totally understand that the grief takes you in waves - one minute you are OK and then it hits you so hard you are back to where to where you started. I guess that is what grief does to you. Did I suffer depression - well I guess I did, I cried an awful lot and had very little interest in anything, but for me it passed, very slowly admittedly but it did pass. I almost think that we need a fast forward button for this type of loss, we know that the feeling will pass but we have to go through all the horrible stuff before it does. It will pass believe me - please take care and remember that with time you will heal and feel better.

Wanda xx

Looking back over my posts about the death of Cody and Armand, 'a fast forward button' again caught my eye. How true. The pain is easing, although I still feel awful every morning, as if the grief has built up in my insides while I sleep. A friend, who has lost four cats, told me to 'go with the flow', weep and then act as normal, so I do. I am beginning to experience long periods in the day when I think of them fondly, although with my beloved Cody, it has only been 2 weeks. She was so lovely in looks and nature, even my neighbours were upset. I admit that, finding myself unable to eat ( I lost 18lbs in a month) or sleep and sinking into depression, I sought help from my Doctor. She has given me a mild sedative to help me sleep and it helps. Our remaining cat Gandhi, a big muscular, loving cushion with an enormous personality is a great comfort but we have decided against getting another cat. Hopefully he will be with us for a long time yet but he is coming up for 12yrs, so on his demise, as active 'baby boomers' OAPS we are selling up. We are not rich but with the money from the sale of the house,if we rent, we can live in a decent house in the sun with a little money behind us. When there,I will look into helping out at the local animal rescue centre, like many of you, I can't live a life completely devoid of cats. I mention this because naturally, the loss hurts like hell, we can't just erase it, but we can and do get caught up in grief. A dear friend admitted to me yesterday she felt guilty as she wept in pain more when she lost her dog, Daisy, than she did when her father died, but its like a sore, scratch it, it never heals, soothe it, the scar is still there but it doesn't hurt so bad (or so I'm told!). I adored Cody and Armand, miss them enormously, always will but looking to a new life in the future (hopefully!) has helped to ease the pain a little.

[Bromz]

Hello, this story must be familiar
As i was cleaning the house i notice a Furrrry cat sitting very confidence
like a king on the sofa, and so i adopted him
or maybe he adopted me ,not sure what happen there
he was a very gentle and a noble cat
Once he killed a venom snake that was sneaking into the house
i woke up and he was siting near the snake as if to say "My life matters"
he died from kidney and liver failure at the age of 15

i made a small tribute to his life
https://youtu.be/BstALsT1KqI

[rudenka]

This resonates me so strong. I cannot stop crying when I watch the video. My furry baby was put to sleep 3 weeks go and the grief is overwhelming. I do not have much friends and I work from home and I feel so lonely without her. She was 7 years old Persian beauty, very calm and loyal and she had polycystic kidney disease. I would do or give anything to hug her again, I'd pay any money to save her but they didn't have any cure where I live. I don't know how to live without her...

[Kay]

I too live alone and don't have much life outside the home

We are all different, and I can only say what has worked for me when I have found myself alone after a cat has died - I go to the rescue and offer a home to the cat most in need of one, not as a means of comfort for me, but simply because I have the means to get a needy cat out of rescue

of course I end up caring for the new one, not always as much as the one I lost, but it helps a lot

[tortie adore]

Tracey 1979, if you believe in heaven, maybe you will see him? there. He? certainly had a wonderful life with you. I know another few well-cared for animals who also died at the same age. It's just the way it goes sometime. Perhaps you can adopt another animal who reminds you of him?? and give another animal a wonderful home.
And Issanadri (butchering your name) I don't think age 68 is too old to get a cat. For goodness sakes! I have a friend who's 82 who adopted a cat w/in the last 10 years and a dog w/in the last 3. You could live to be 103!! (And, if you are worried, designate a subsequent parent in your will).

[issiandarchie+68]

Hi Tortie. Thank you for replying to my post, however,it is dated 2016 and life has moved on. We didn't go to Spain thanks to Brexit. We downsized to a smaller home,my beloved Gandhi lived to age 16yrs, loved his new home, happily spoiled rotten but he eventually succumbed to years of ill health. We fostered an unwanted Siamese,but lovely as she is, we have no experience of this special breed. We still see her,living contentedly with an experienced family and their brood of 4 other Siamese in a large Victorian house at the end of our quiet road. We then fostered an old boy Christopher Brodie but kept him as he was so settled and lovng, We adored him,a love he returned in spades, as he helped heal our hearts, until he passed away peacefully a few months later of old age. Frankly,after a lifetime of loss both animal and human,we are broken and need peace in our hearts and minds. However, love does not die and as my dear forum friends and advisors know well, a longing for another (2!?) furry bodies sleeping like wee commas between us persists ... but not just yet. We need time to heal, gather our emotional strength, just ... well.. BE.

Issi

[Mollycat]

Frankly,after a lifetime of loss both animal and human,we are broken and need peace in our hearts and minds. However, love does not die and as my dear forum friends and advisors know well, a longing for another (2!?) furry bodies sleeping like wee commas between us persists ... but not just yet. We need time to heal, gather our emotional strength, just ... well.. BE.
Issi

Issi,

I don't know why but your comment called this poem to mind, if I may dedicate it to CB. They Find Us, when we need them. Perhaps, who knows They Are Sent To Us, when we need them.

To Love Again

Oh what unhappy twist of fate
Has brought you homeless to my gate,
The gate where once another stood
To beg for shelter warmth and food?

For from that day I ceased to be
The master of my destiny,
While she, with purr and velvet paw
Became within my house the law.

She scratched the furniture and shed
And claimed the middle of my bed,
She ruled in arrogance and pride
And broke my heart the day she died.

So if you really think, oh cat
I'd willingly relive all that,
Because you come forlorn and thin
Well don't just stand there - come on in!

Author unknown

[issiandarchie+68]

Thankyou Mollycat. What a beautifully simple but powerful poem and yes,it has made cry. CB was a lovely old gent,as was my beloved Gandhi. As I age (I refuse to grow old) I find myself looking back to happier times,which is futile,so I shall treasure those words, a reminder of love still to give and receive.

Issi

[tortie adore]

Thank you Issi for replying! Glad you fostered. I am so glad i found this forum! As it is a week since I learned of my kitten's death it is comforting. There is a black cloud. Especially as i still don't know exactly what happened and especially as everything has gone badly between adoptive family and I as I concluded that it was better to be a pain i t a and perhaps lay a bit o a guilt trip on them and hopefully get them to change their ways and be more careful then to not say anything bc I don't want to upset the apple cart and then to hear 2nd kitty also taken much too soon. Of course, this could happen anyway, but I made calculation that it's better to be a pain and to perhaps influence future for the better, even if I lose relationship.

[Bertie 2017]

Hi Tracy 1979; sorry I have been a while contacting you ,I understand depression perfectly,
Having suffered it, since my teenage years ,and strongly believe our cats ,keep us going ,
And give us something ,people cart give ,unconditional love ,so it’s no wonder that cats ,
Are. Not only family , but our whole world , and it’s natural to feel ,the loss of your cat,
He was a huge part of your life ,part of your daily routine, and if like my cat basil ,
Always into your business ,sorry I have to laugh ,but it’s true ,cats are natural curious creatures
It’s what they do , and often one cat will come along ,totally different from any other cat ,
And extra special ,so don’t be surprised ,why you feel the way you do ,I have loved and
Lost many cats ,over my lifetime ,but losing my cat Bertie almost destroyed me ,he was only
Seven years old ,and full of life till his last night ,he had bladder nerve damage ,you see
Due too a freak accident involving a washing machine door ,anyway ,I would like you
Too know we are here for you ,and if you feel comfortable taking too someone on the phone.
The blue cross does a free ,pet Breament support line ,just look on their website ,
For the phone number ,anyway my thoughts are with you